Men's Over-Responsibility in the Relationship
Men's over-responsibility can often take the form of a focus on 'fixing' problems and being the 'strong one' who brings home the money in the relationship, creating a secure financial framework.
The Tendency to Fix Problems
Practical Problem Solving: Men can feel an over-responsibility to solve problems both outside and in the home and in the relationship, often at the expense of being emotionally present, which affects her as he feels absent.
Financial Provision: Men can feel a lot of pressure to be the primary breadwinner, which can lead to stress and overwork. It often lies as an unconscious agreement that few people question because it is so ingrained in our expectations from both parties.
The Protective Role: Men can feel an over-responsibility to protect their partner and family from external threats, which can result in excessive control or dominance behavior in the worst case. Women want to be protected and find it attractive to be protected, while at the same time feeling safe within the framework, but it can also become an over-responsibility where she is protected from maturing from life's challenges, e.g. in relation to the labor market or her own emotional immaturity.
Avoidance of Emotional Challenges: Men may have a tendency to avoid difficult emotional conversations.
The Consequences of Men's Over-Responsibility
Emotional Distance: Men's over-focus on problem-solving can lead to emotional distance in the relationship, as it does not allow for vulnerability and intimacy.
Burnout, Stress, and Depression: Bearing too much responsibility can lead to stress, burnout, and a feeling of inadequacy.
Imbalance in the Relationship: Men's over-responsibility can create an imbalance in the relationship where the woman feels disempowered or overlooked, or where she fails to contribute financially (maintains her areas of anxiety and immaturity in relation to participating in working life).
Addictions: Men's over-responsibility can lead the man into various addictions in an attempt to soothe stress, burnout, and physical pain so that he can continue to "deliver" in the form of being the problem solver who creates the framework. This can be anything from pills, alcohol, drugs, exercise, and porn.
Working with Over-Responsibility
Letting Go of Control: Learning to let go of the need to control and instead make room for trust and surrender. Often the control will cover up worry and anxiety that he is not in touch with himself, which can be worked with through energy work and conversation.
Embracing Vulnerability: Allowing yourself to show vulnerability and asking for help when needed - whether she finds it sexy or not. It does not mean that she should be his therapist, but simply that there is an agreement that it is okay to be vulnerable.
Focus on Emotional Connection: Prioritizing emotional connection over practical problem-solving and consciously sometimes overriding tasks and living with an acceptance that not everything can be achieved, and prioritizing the relationship is therefore necessary to put at the center.
Setting Healthy Boundaries: Learning to set healthy boundaries and say no when necessary. Standing by your own boundaries when you, as a man, know you have the long end of the stick is an art form and requires that you have worked a lot with your own energy system. Here it is crucial that you do not make her wrong.
