Tips for Conscious Partner Choice

Knowing Yourself

First and foremost, it is crucial to know your own values, needs, and desires in a relationship. What is important to you in a partner, and what are your expectations for a relationship? To attract a partner who matches you, it is essential that you stand by who you are and work with your own shutdowns and psychological pain so that they do not get in the way and blind you in the infatuation phase (also called trauma bonding). Playing games to attract a partner may seem tempting, but in practice, it is a strategy where you attract an immature partner who sees you for your superficial qualities. It takes courage to be honest, because you risk not being chosen. But if you are open, then the right partner can also more easily find you.

Breaking with Old Patterns

We often attract partners who repeat dynamics from our childhood, especially in relation to our parents and our genetic material (epigenetic inheritance). There may also be soul agreements that you are not aware of that play a role. It is therefore important to break with old patterns and work with wounds from the past that can affect your choices before you choose. An old flame where you feel you have met before may be an expression of a trauma relationship in other or this life. Pay attention to the behavior patterns you have experienced in previous partners, and feel whether there are patterns you are done with and ready to work through.

Understanding Polarity and the Stages

Choosing a partner consciously also means choosing a partner who can create this polarity and thus contribute to a dynamic and vibrant relationship. This requires awareness from both parties. It is precisely this awareness that we are trying to create by writing these articles and making podcasts on the subject (which you should both naturally relate to reflectively and critically), which can nevertheless form the framework for a conversation about what you want with the relationship.

Pay Attention to the Sexual Dynamic

Sexual attraction is a very important part of a relationship. It is natural to be attracted to beautiful people, but it is about being able to control your attention and focus on the partner you have chosen. Sexual polarity is crucial for a dynamic and passionate relationship.

The Conscious Partner Choice

Remember that conscious partner choice is about finding a partner who can support your growth and development, and you his or hers. It takes courage to be honest with yourself and your partner, but it is the best way to create a genuine and loving relationship. It is not about using a partner for personal development, but about meeting the partner because you want to open your heart to be more for another person, and perhaps also hope to be met deeper than ever before. It is a "big task" and a wild and exciting journey to embark on, which requires dedication that extends beyond infatuation, children, and family.

Honesty

Communication and honesty are fundamental to a healthy relationship. You must dare to be honest about your expectations and create a space where you can talk openly about the difficult things, but also raise the question of whether you should travel together in increased openness, connection, and more delicious ecstasy. Choosing a partner consciously in that way requires courage and self-awareness, but it increases the chances of meeting a partner where you can support each other's growth and contribute to a deep and meaningful relationship if you do the groundwork yourself. However, be aware that no matter how much preparation you do, you will not be able to get hold of everything in advance. It is therefore not about finding the "perfect" mature partner, but about finding one who is willing to walk the path with you.

Tips for Women

• Focus on Emotional Maturity: When considering a partner, it is crucial to assess his emotional maturity. It is important to choose a partner who is able to take responsibility for his feelings and enter into an equal partnership and take responsibility, even under difficult circumstances.

• Previous Issues: Is he good at talking about feelings but afraid to open up and be vulnerable, so pay attention to how he has handled previous problems with ex-partners. Does he move on and take responsibility after difficult challenges in the relational, or is he inclined to portray previous partners as immature and not on "his level"? Nuanced respect for previous partners, regardless of their immaturity, can be a clue.

• Seeing Behind the Facade: Pay attention to your partner's behavior and attitudes. Do his actions match his words? Does he take responsibility for his actions, and does he show honesty and vulnerability without "falling apart"? Observe how he reacts when you are vulnerable. Does he support you, or does he expect you to always be strong?

• Vulnerability as a Pitfall: Some men in the self-help world (so-called "soft men") fall into the opposite ditch and become so soft and vulnerable that they expect her to carry him through and be a therapist or kind of healer for him with her love. He is unable to get out of the hole himself or without outside help. In short, he is looking for a new mother. It can be tempting to meet a man who opens up emotionally, but can he also take care of what comes up and move on. Can he take responsibility and mature from what he has encountered in life?

For Men

• Look for Authenticity and Integrity: Choose a woman who is honest and authentic. Observe how she treats other people and handles conflict. How does she react when challenged? Is she able to take responsibility for her actions and her own life? Does she master the masculine pole and can pay her bills, or are there unfinished projects everywhere? Does she take over-responsibility for many people around her to such an extent that she suffers from it, but at the same time is unable to set the necessary boundaries and take care of herself. Is she able to prioritize the relationship between you, even though her life has many challenges. It is crucial that she is dedicated to the relationship and chooses to prioritize your time together.

• Assess Her Ability to Handle Vulnerability: Women are in many cases more in touch with their feelings than men, but not always. The variations between the sexes are less than the individual's ability to be emotionally available. Pay attention to how your potential partner reacts when you are vulnerable. Can she accommodate your feelings and be with you. Or does she shut down when you open up and try to come up with explanations and fix you.

• Masculine-Oriented Women: You can meet a woman who is very strong in the masculine and can get things done, but who has great difficulty opening up to her own feelings and her inner self. Pay attention to whether she considers herself a "tomboy" and rests in her self-understanding of this identity. This can be a warning signal unless she wants to consciously work on opening up to her own feminine sides towards you.