Podcast E12: Polarity: The Masculine Journey

This time, Mette Miriam Sloth interviews her husband, Sune Sloth, about how he works with and experiences polarity in their relationship. The angle focuses on things a woman might be curious to know.

• Read more

  We discuss how he works with the ability to be open and what it requires of him: What "edges" does the man encounter when he wants to be available and open in his woman's loving presence? Where does he shut down, why does he do it, and how does he open up again? Does she have a role there?

  We discuss how polarity can be experienced by a man, and we discuss the 3 stages of a relationship (described by David Deida).

  In the conversation, we discuss how central the man's ability to maintain structure is, as well as the ability to let go of it when it no longer works and to recognize his own limitations.

  We talk about competence - and how it plays a role in his ability to maintain focus in the relationship and thus on her. We also touch on the ability to take responsibility as a central part of the dance.

• Transcript

  Translated transcript of the original Danish podcast

  Hosts: Mette Miriam Sloth & Sune Sloth

  Sune Sloth: Hello, hello and welcome to the Maud Line Effect podcast. Thank you and you too. And in this episode, we're going to talk about polarity and the masculine way in it. Part one. So the masculine journey was the kind of background information like maybe more to get curiosity. Then we'll dive deeper.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Get into it today.

  Sune Sloth: Yes. And it's up to you what you want to ask about. But anyway, the idea is that we try to get a little closer to what it means to practice this polarity, as you can see in the example I give. Which is one of what do I want? Four billion men? Or males? So that's why I'm really just sitting here with an angle and with respect for the fact that other people have other paths and other ways of doing things. But in the hope that others can still be useful after all.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I'm into this thing about general intimacy and closeness, which, according to us, leads to other relationship dynamics. Kind of from the man's point of view today, where sometimes mentally it has been like that from the woman's point of view. Yeah, yeah.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, and I've actually asked you to ask about what women find exciting, because I have to say the same to you listeners. We only have five percent men on our two channels. So the hope is that there are men watching who really just want to get the inside scoop. Advice on how to be a man. Reach out to us if you hear this. Write to us and we can make it. But right now, we're focusing on what questions women might be curious about, so to speak.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I would like to start somewhere by asking you because you have written a little about the masculine journey on our website, which you are also very welcome to read. And there you actually describe what you call a man's unrealized potential. Can you explain that? What do you mean by that?

  Sune Sloth: Well, I mean since the sixties, where we have. I know that gender equality has been 100% implemented and blah blah blah. But what has happened in the meantime since the 60s is that women have started to work on themselves. They also take better care of themselves, go to therapy and take an interest in relationships and how they feel and how others feel. And so on and so forth. And of course there are some men who do that too, but not that many. And when we get to the unrealized potential, it's basically about that. The path that men haven't explored is really, what happens if they work with? Well, in connection. With closeness, the longing to be seen and met and loved more deeply. Than all your limitations and square-headedness and bullshit, which I like all men suffer from, so self-importance, emotion and excellence in every possible way. As a man, you don't quite realize such things? And that's where my journey somewhere starts, because it's a feeling. It would actually be wonderful if a woman wanted me for who I am, or the essence of who I am, and not just for everything else.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Here we hit on something very interesting, because it is my experience that women can and have reason to believe that women in particular can do this because it is inherent in the feminine and women do not like the feminine. But generally speaking, she seems to have more access to it. Possibly because she has been so deeply identified with it and through time. And the fact that I can actually see the potential in others and also in the man and that something will also be able to see the potential, which is also linked to interesting. So I can say that there is something beautiful in that, but at the same time, as a woman, it can be a bit dangerous because if you see a potential that you hope you can help the man to realize.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, well, what I've found out along the way is that as a man or men, you can end up exploiting this longing in a very crude way and end up not taking responsibility for what comes up. So that, and.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: He wants to be seen. But when he falls into inappropriate patterns and everything like that, he really just wants to be forgiven without taking responsibility for it.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, or don't say it. Or you have to take care of it yourself or now you're annoying and things like that. If the longing to let go of that longing, if. Right there, where we men fall through, I would say we're going to talk a bit broadly. But I think many men fall through. It's that thing about. She wants to see, she wants to meet and then. There, there. Then you get that kind of presence, because you know she'll be difficult if she doesn't feel that way. And conversely, there's also a longing inside me to meet her. So it goes both ways. But if you, if she really wants you and she longs for you, and you don't take on the responsibility that she can linger far longer than is healthy for her heart and let her hang in there. Then I've found that that's deeply unethical to do.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: She can love very deeply.

  Sune Sloth: Because she can. And it does. It hurts my heart when I've seen friends. With women who long for depth, and where they kind of drive around in such a fake way that they want it without really announcing it. And then they kind of stay on the periphery, and then they give her a little, and then they go back. It's a very horrible thing to do, I've found.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Why does he do that? I know that when you say he, we can speak for all men, but there must be a mechanism. The sexes have been trained together through evolution, so there's also a defense in it.

  Sune Sloth: The way it is in the last podcast, where we mention polarity and gender are not necessarily related, but can be two women, where the masculine sits and so on and the other feminine and all that. And I don't know about the traveling, so I just have to comment on what I know. So there's nothing to worry about if you have two. But that maybe one was more receptive and captivated, and the other liked to be active. There's nothing to it, so I get it filtered through a male body here.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: As a heterosexual.

  Sune Sloth: As a heterosexual and have tried mine out. So I know that I can't do anything. So I kind of know what I find exciting on that front. And to get back to what you asked about.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Which was yes, why does he relate to her?

  Sune Sloth: Yes, and that's what we're talking about was conscious. And to my horror, I've found that the people I've talked to have been more aware of it than I was. I had hoped, and we don't talk, but I don't necessarily sympathize with Dakota or anything. As you know. Now I'm not a psychiatrist, so I can't, but you know I've read up on it. No, but there's something about keeping her in the loop until something better comes along, or because you want to feel safe, or it fulfills some other needs. Or you don't. You don't have the courage to go out there and test yourself. Basically, maybe you're afraid of your own value. If you find out if someone wants you, it can be an anxiety. Whether you know what will happen to the children. So there's a lack of courage to be honest here. And that lack of courage is not necessarily meant maliciously or anything, but it's going to hurt her trust in men, so all the men or all the men that come after, if there is someone they want to experience. A woman who has cast her longing on a man, maybe three, four, five, seven, 12 years and now she's talking about you here.

  Sune Sloth: But. And then they realize that he's actually been dishonest all along and not. When I hear men in such closed rooms talk about their woman as if she's annoying too. And I have a bit like that. It falls back on yourself, because if you stay in this and don't look at your own or where it is or hers and are honest here, it doesn't go and just throw it on her. If you're in a relationship like where you don't feel met or you know, even if it's just the crane and you know that's how women are and stuff like that and it's easier. I almost can't have that because to me it's an expression of if she's really that horrible, why haven't you taken the consequences and said goodbye nicely? Or is it something inside you that's not working, that you're not getting? On, but neither of which seems to come up at all in you groupings? I've experienced in a therapeutic context that men can look at that, but it's a bit special. But most men, when they're in free dressage without women, will be so judgmental or have an underlying irritation about how such women also just.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It seems like it's relational for many men, that they both crave it, but actually can't really figure it out or are disgusted by it and want to get away from it.

  Sune Sloth: Well, in my travels I have identified a split and split. Something about consciousness being squeezed into two forms that I think we've landed on, and that is that there is a feeling on the one hand that you want to do and go out into the world and accomplish something, and it can manifest itself in you doing everything else at work. It can also be that you want to go rock climbing or free diving and dive deeper or ride a motorcycle or a bike. But it can also be done in smaller, that you can complete a new course in computer games, or that you want to do something third or go out of Europe, new women or something. And it's like a split with the opposite, which is that you really long for closeness and to be with a woman and have a good time and feel seen and met. But after a while, you come to feel trapped in it, as if it's suffocating. I can imagine this is common in a lot of men. I've heard a lot of men say that after you get married, it's like handcuffs.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Well, it's a completely voluntary forced marriage.

  Sune Sloth: The way you talk about it seems mysterious to me, because we're not in it. We're not. There are no forced marriages anymore, and it doesn't make any sense.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But it seems as if there is what is referred to as a split effect. Very true, because I think many women have experienced this with men, and as a woman, you can have it too. You can also feel inhibited and therefore deprived of freedom in a relationship. But I think that especially in this coupling with men I took a lot of men. If they were watching, they would recognize them, it's their split. What the hell do you do with it and where does it come from? In a way, it's going to hinder. It's also something we've talked a lot about as we got to know each other. Did you have a deep longing that you have like your friends and tried everything? Did it have to be such a longing? Can we go deeper in those relationships? What does it really mean? Can we? Can we? Can we take them up to something? So there are things that are difficult and take them above, they're typically in relationships at a different time, then you hit something where one was overwhelmed. The other one made it hard to come back. That's one reason. The mechanisms of these knots can be in the relationship.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: So one thing was polarity, when the sensual, the delicious and having it in ecstasy in everyday life. But it's incredibly connected to whether you can solve these problems when this coldness builds in or by using this, can I endure this. So there was both a deep longing for Can we go deeper? Can we? Can we stand in it together, which you've always been good at? And then there was also yours. Phew, it seemed like you could. You can sink into it, then it's as if you just have to physically leave. You wrote that sometimes it's as if there is a fear in my body or in my psyche of being sucked in and disappearing into the feminine or stagnating in this closeness. And I think that's something, as I've also talked to Frej about several men, about what they can recognize is something that seems to be something here that kind of opposes that you can actually surrender to the relational in the man.

  Sune Sloth: That's true, and there have been many variations of it. So it's not just one. And then there's a blue one, which is a moral answer. Many, many, many, many under the menu. Like you press files and then you come down and there are even more games. Yeah, that's really what we've been exploring. Not as a kind of. Now we're going to explore. But anyway. The desire to feel openness and feel love and experience the desire to also. There has also been the desire for me to see how much it hurt today to pull out. So there was also pain. Connected to seeing what it was doing that I was shutting down, I was something, but then I could see that it hurt you. And then I realized that I have to figure out how to deal with what I'm working with. And I took it a little bit too little outside of this podcast today. How we work with it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Then maybe we can jump to where you are today, where I can be living proof that your ability is wrong. But just being in close proximity doesn't make your system lock up. So how have you actually experienced if the fear was that you disappeared and thereby lost the ability to act and do and step out into the world and be a man and stuff like that? Have you found that to be a problem in terms of trying to surrender more and more and more to just being in proximity?

  Sune Sloth: I'm going to make a long story out of it anyway, because I say that a bit about the other podcast. But when I was very young, I really wanted to try and be through the transcendent. Meditation, yoga and things like that take time and stuff like that. And if I have to make it ultra short, I found that all yoga, meditation and all that stuff. It's basically about trying to bypass everything that comes up and then focusing back on either letting it go or going back to the breath. Or look at a flame with starlight or something like that. If there's a blockage, if there's something, it's using yoga to open it up and then there's flow again. But it doesn't explore what it is that's closing. And I also get to the point where I could, if I had stubborn enough discipline, three times a day at practice, and I could get to a state of being, which in masculine systems is seen as something higher or better. The thought-provoking thing is that it was so difficult, and that it looked like something not something we find in the relational in a masculine world, but something we find in a cave or we find in some course and with some guru who has some The True Answers. And I have also gone to Malmö and sought out a guru and got the whole trip. And got scolded when it finally happened, because now he had spent 20 years to see this. And then I come and say that now there's something. But what happens when I emerge is that when they land again, the whole system crashes because it hits a whole bunch of things that I hadn't felt for a long time.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: A bit like when you bullock bulls to get more light into higher frequencies. And then it hits some edges or some darkness that is illuminated by it. And what do you do about it?

  Sune Sloth: Yes, but then we go into the whole way we work with consciousness and energy, and I want to wait to win that. Good really, because it is. I don't think that's where we start, and basically.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's also polarity today. It's more to say that this is typically what can happen.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, it's basically that there's too much awareness, but it affects a lot of things inside the system. My experience with the masculine system is that we have a lot of structure and ways of seeing things. Thoughts that are ingrained in us. We don't know it. We see the world through certain ways, so we have places that are dark spots that are closed, that we've kind of closed off. So if a woman sits and talks to her husband and he says he doesn't feel anything, or there's nothing, he doesn't experience anything either. Not necessarily.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: He's not lying. It may well be that he has nothing at all, yes.

  Sune Sloth: But it also explains why he can become very square in his perception of things. Because in order to close things off and shut down and not feel, you have to move your consciousness somewhere else. And that place shouldn't be in a place where it doesn't feel good. So you can do that in so many different ways, I've found.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: So if we're going to summarize without going too much more than that, we're on a different track. So in relation to this with your previous experience of being. It was one that grew there with discipline to achieve something that was calm enough for you to feel like being. What is your what? Thinking about the world now? Well, it's more and worse, because right now it's really worse and worse, whether it's with me or children or.

  Sune Sloth: Well, most of the time, there's actually a being and a fluid state that can change. And then I actually experience myself when I'm doing that it's the background feeling of being. It's like digging up all the anxiety and all the fear and all these notions of how things are. And one for an archaeological dig where you find an archive that was there, just lying on it. And there's something old lying on this. And then it dissolves. And it's not an easy process, I have to say. It's going to sound easy, but it's not. Understood in the sense that I've been in capable hands, and we've helped each other in a way that is strongly opposed to the normal way and recommend. Because we work on each other in terms of energy, and that's probably not where you start. So I slow myself down and try to get back on track here. My experience I have a real job. And right now I'm doing a very big project with big international companies, a municipality and some things, so I get to test if it works elsewhere, not just. And that's not to say that I'm just not that kind of alternative practitioner.

  Sune Sloth: Who is used to being in a room where I have to open up with a person and give them treatment. And there's nothing wrong with that. And it may well be that one day I end up and stuff like that. But testing it under and under pressure and testing yourself, it can still hold up. Even if you're the CEO of two international companies and have to find a solution, and you have your own CEO who may also have an opinion on things. I don't feel that at all. I don't feel stressed, that's for sure. I don't feel pressured by it, but I don't feel strong either. I don't feel like I'm indifferent and am able to go from really just being empty. If I've prepared properly, which of course I try to do. Then I can focus and say Okay, this is this. Then you get a pretty good sense of where the different people are, and then it actually becomes relatively easy to find a solution and it doesn't feel so complicated.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: So what you're really saying is that the benefit of taking on the relational work and sorting out and actually landing things in the relational. It also makes you super more effective and a conflict mediator in the workplace because you get a sense of where other people are.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, you could say that. My ability to feel into others has become extremely much better, I think, where I would have thought I felt someone, but then felt my own worry or anxiety or.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Anger.

  Sune Sloth: Irritation over something or by something or by something. Something through. And just like that I have been inside my own built-in. Hierarchical urge to learn there. And the same also towards women. So it's like, it's like there's not much of it that's not right. I actually didn't realize that they were tearing into a man so much. In general, we see that we had so much consciousness without knowing what kind of instincts, but that being in a hierarchical system is such a pain in the ass for a man's self-understanding. He is his job, he is his position, and it's such a death, almost inside to be fired because he sees himself as that role.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And that in itself also moves the mission or that higher up than the relationship. That's how it's just died. If that happens, then it's as if the whole consciousness was constantly pulling him up there.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, yes, we can easily get into what kind of contexts we have found. Why it's maybe not so interesting anymore if the women who are listening and watching think what's going on in this man, and there are two points. One is that he is completely pressured from within for various reasons to be extreme. The hierarchy seeking and mirroring his own self-esteem, his own sense of feeling good in the masculine groups. But also in relation to other things as well. So if she feels that he's rejecting her and he's closing down and it hurts you, there's a good chance it has nothing to do with you. So we're in a place now where it's a bit of a utopia to think that you can open up and meet your longing. That's why we're doing this. Maybe there are others who could benefit from doing something similar.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I actually think it's really important because it hurts her just as much if he closes. But it just hurts triple if he closes and she takes it personally like it's because I don't hit it, because he doesn't love me. Or it's not at all clear what's going on in her world.

  Sune Sloth: But the broken connection. And I've gotten to the point where I'm always there, where I can feel it just like that. So if you just pull back a little, you stay here. I just miss that it's not an addiction. It's more a feeling of you shutting down and withdrawing when we're in something together. It rarely happens, but when it does, I think I've actually started to feel it, which maybe a woman experiences. Your broken flow, the broken connection, a broken harmony, a broken dance and I can only look backwards. I've done that all the time. Or I've done almost nothing else. So there are many layers of realization in opening up, and I've experienced that I open up from the inside, so I reach my edge, and then something happens. Then God experiences that I can feel a new kind of love and in relation to what it is to be out there. What can it be used for, so I experience it just as much in other relationships. Friendships where I can be with a friend who is having a really hard time, or who commits things and does things that I think I would never have done. But I don't really feel the urge to get annoyed with him. I can be in such a feeling of love and calm, but I can see his life has ended up there, and it's not necessarily something I should do either, right? But I can easily be present in it with the children, where I feel that the places where I would get annoyed and think as a man, if they are to be real friends, then they have to learn this way, and then we also have to get down to this and that. That's where I feel the need for much more of a dance, but also a boundary setting that is much more. It's firm, but it's not energy.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: The one who says.

  Sune Sloth: No, and I don't know how much of it is personal, but I think I could imagine that many men are worried about their boys getting too chatty. Now we have two boys here we're talking about. So actually getting better at letting them go their own way, but at the same time still setting and maintaining boundaries, but without developing into any anger or anything, but more a feeling of really just standing and rolling in my own field and holding on to it. Not with a bit of humor without anything coming out. That there are some underlying signals that could be interpreted as something wrong with you, so to speak. So I actually find that the children react much more. They react much more positively to setting boundaries. When I come from that place, there have also been things. It's mainly been between us things to get out, but there have also been situations with the boys where I could feel something happening to me. I get excited. I can feel it now, I'm getting something. Where I've worked with it. And you know, you've also helped me a few times and some things and got through it. I also do some of the work myself. But it will also be interesting to see. Where is it not the woman can come in with her gifts here in relation to the work. It's as if, as a man, you have a you. You encounter your own structure and you encounter your own understanding.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Square.

  Sune Sloth: Square, hot. You become in a different way absorbed in your own feeling that things have to be a certain way. It takes effort and maybe something when you've finished something, and now it has to be done. Something has to be sorted out, and there are some things that have to be sorted out. It's as if you're driving yourself into a corner, and I've experienced that the man's edge is both a gift, but it's also. It's also a limitation. So because you have to be able to make this narrowing in order to be extremely focused, to make, to accomplish something in the world. And I love that, I love to make something in the world. I love creating something and seeing something grow that I hope can help some people in the long run. So you don't lose the ability, but you're able to mold it to what you're going to accomplish, rather than having some fixed settings, so you go for the being, and then say each intention, and then you can feel that you manage to make that structure. But you might as well. If you can see that it's not working, you can just as easily let it dissolve and form a new structure. You have no identification with the structure you make. I'm the kind of person who makes project plans that way or the way I lead and stuff. And I've learned that. So you don't have to do that at all, so in that way you can dance along. In your way of leading, whether you like it or not. Where it's not about you basically. It's about Where are we going? Where is the group going? What is needed? Do we need to be here, or do we need a clear structure? Is there a need to let it go again?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: What? Mette Miriam Sloth: How? A woman who loves her husband and who does her part in the relationship because we practice meeting each other. The gap between the sexes is huge, so there are many reasons, and we're working on it. So a woman, when she stands with a man and loves him, how can she best be there for him when he cracks, when he reaches his edge, when he bangs his head into his edge?

  Sune Sloth: We hadn't prepared that. So I have to improvise. And that's the thing. There are two sides to it, because one is actually. On the one hand, she has to be able to be a little bit hard, not hard, but she has to be able to hold on to the fact that you're going to hit something here. Even if he doesn't want to take responsibility for it, she has to be able to say yes, but it's not this, you're off. It's there. Now you're trapped. And it's kind of like that with kids. And if I don't feel judged. Then it's easier for me to be in it realize. But, but then there's the next level, and it's really What is it? What is the deeper longing here? Is it really basically Is it more important for me to be right, or is it important for me to find love again? Because it could be that you didn't get the long one. It could well be. But what I do is that I start by looking inwards. Starting with what is to go for myself and try to feel what is happening? Then the ability to feel what's happening. Being able to identify ends. But now I'm stuck in something. It can also go the other way. It also happens and has happened that you often have. Often you have the long consumer as an example.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And if she I'm wrong and you say no hey now I've turned it upside down, it's not mine, this is what I want. Is it me who gets stuck like someone else says something or I'm able to say Okay, fine, I'll just try to feel it. What the hell has hit me?

  Sune Sloth: Yes, but it's also not important because we men can see things a bit like a fight or one we can get into and that kind of status struggle. And there can be a fear that if she sees me failing, she might not know me anymore. That's a real fear. There can be rules for that.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Something like that, that his holding on can be good. I can see that he's afraid that if he collapses here, he'll be abandoned or she'll withdraw her love.

  Sune Sloth: On the slightly intellectual level. And I think that also applies to my own experience. And it's difficult, so it has to be what it is. But that women have a really hard time dealing with a man who is vulnerable. So it's also a way to test, can you say As a man, can she handle vulnerability? Can she accommodate you being your feminine self? Can you accommodate saying I need to be cared for. I need to feel you. I need to feel loved right now. Do I hurt inside, or does she get terrified and shut down? And I think there are many reasons for that. And that's where we need to get to the bottom of it. You know, if her programming, my consciousness is, where do we end up here? Is he taking advantage of that? The warm one? The one where he pretends he hurts his back and he doesn't bother losing kittens and in school because it because it exists. But there's also this one with the fear that he's not strong and can take care of her. If she feels that he doesn't take much responsibility and shirks, and he does this on top of that, then she may well have built up a bitterness that makes her start to actually despise him.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: With the scenario where there is mutual love and it's more about hitting some wounds. So what I'm hearing there is that you can both hold on if you've hit your can over there in him or by closing your heart to him. What is your love? You can do both, that you have held on and still love you still. But I still hold on to the fact that it's not mine.

  Sune Sloth: I think you have to. You have to do that. Sune Sloth.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But now we could get into what we have also said. We wanted to talk about polarity. And you could say that when we met each other, I was actually in a Facebook group with some people who worked with former student data, and it was because we had both been looking at data about polarity. Can you talk a little bit about how you got into it, what it had done for you?

  Sune Sloth: Yes, I would like to. I was one. 10 years of marriage, where I found that data told me something very central, which is that he has his three stages, one of which is really a stereotype. The man has the video role and he's really quite dependent on his status and she has more of a mother role and a caring and. Maybe needs to stay attractive. On the, you could say. On the higher levels, we're looking at a more caricatured version of staying young and attractive. But on that level, there is still an advantage, and that is that a man is a man and a woman is a woman. This has all sorts of horrible side effects, where typically the woman is oppressed, and there is violence, and there is all sorts of bad things. And there's a huge amount of social pressure. But there's one thing I've noticed. In cultures where it's prevalent and it's men holding each other up on the responsibility for the family.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And then it was more traditional.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, there are many things about it that may not be particularly pleasant, but the men I've met who are from cultures where it's prevalent have had a mania community that I haven't experienced among Danish men, and I've also experienced a kind of without saying it out loud that Danish men seem kind of chatty and kind of soft in a slightly annoying way, without it not being said. But I can actually understand where they're coming from. But at the same time, we also see a huge unity around the family, but at the same time there is enormous pressure to live up to how you provide. This has the side effect that men, when they are with men and women, are with women and Whiskas. So the women cook and then he goes out and works 12 hours, so there's nothing to learn from that. But it's an example of still in caricatured form. You talk to Torben, who is one of those white guys who has to stay hot and he has to be so it looks more in people who are in the higher action here, because this can easily be practiced by ordinary people. But if you have them up in the caricatured form. Then you still have two or level two. And the ones you can call it, which is really that there will be gender equality. And we are taught that women and men are equal. But it also means that we get this in and they are the same. There is no difference. If you talk about it, then we have problems, which is nonsense.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: We are equal, but we are not the same.

  Sune Sloth: No, so it's as if there's an attempt to blur the differences, and as a man you want to do that. And I've tried that too, say. But you can just as well hang up pictures as I can, even though I find it easier and more fun because it interests me to a degree that it didn't before. And I'm not saying it's too late for everyone because there are skilled craftsmen.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Some women love that image, but that's how it goes. If you look.

  Sune Sloth: Statistically, there is clearly a skewing of these subjects. And it's down to biological differences in what we're interested in because of our biology. And of course there's culture in us, so there's nothing wrong with being a male nurse or a female painter. It has nothing to do with that, but I just identify with, and I've always been more interested in machines and computers and everything like that than relationships. And at some point, I realized that if I wasn't going to be very lonely, I had to try to look into it. Or I'd have to make a shitload of money doing computer science and find another solution. But my pilot was sighing like crazy, and so I set out to find out if I need to work on this.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I still saw two. It is wonderful. It's wonderful that there is equality and equality. It's more the fact that we can get 12. We've become so afraid of becoming stereotypical and transgressive that we rigidly insist that there can be no differences between the sexes. And there is. And it does something to the polarity.

  Sune Sloth: Because those women are. They are storming ahead in education, are actually better than the boys and find it easier to be in an education system where you have to put your ass in the seat and stay calm. Funnily enough, apropos of what we were talking about.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Also seems to be better at keeping discipline and.

  Sune Sloth: Finding out that children are also. So. But the effect it can have on a relationship is that if we're going to build a house together or go traveling, we can easily do project management, and then we sit down and plan it all together. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you transfer it to you become such a collaborative partner on this.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's not sexy, is it?

  Sune Sloth: There's no balls in it. So it's as if there's a blurring of the fact that I have something. That is, if she wants to relax and let me take control and plan the vacation. It also requires her not to let go and try to interfere. It requires her to have a forgiving and loving approach and trust that I'm doing my best and not slacking off. It doesn't mean that she shouldn't come in and say what she thinks, but it's about letting go and letting the space that I make. That she wants to come into a room. And if so, then I can see if it doesn't really need to be adjusted, then I need to have this. I can go back and be in it, feel her and then make a new room. So if I can't do that, and I lay on it, then we don't have the dance. So what I could see happening was that the woman was so used to being in the door and so used to creating structure that just going for a ride in a car became a bit of a fight. Because couldn't you just do it? Yes, yes, and as she was extremely talented, she often had some good suggestions. So if you took the discussion, different paths were possible. But that's not the point and it's not about just finding the right solution. It's really about being able to lean into your gifts. And my gift is more about creating structure and making connections and solving problems. And that's where we also came to this thing about men and women opening up about their feelings. So we men sometimes come out grieving and feel like this. Why don't we just solve it? Or if you have an external solution, couldn't you? Or you know she needs to be fixed? But it's also a gift. You also have to see it as a gift that he is able to solve problems.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And it's not because he wants her to get it. It can happen.

  Sune Sloth: Because he works like that or until a certain point he works like that and then he can also start being in it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: He knows exercises, and.

  Sune Sloth: This is what we call stage four, which daughter hasn't described, but which we think we've found now. Step three is where you say okay. We both have things where when we relax and thrive, we have ways of being. She likes chatting, she likes dancing, she likes what you know, and those are the things she thrives in. What if she was allowed to do that? And then I would take care of the things I enjoy and then we'd have to negotiate the rest. I don't think there's anyone who thrives on laundry. For example, we'll figure it out.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But better that than drilling out a shelf.

  Sune Sloth: But I know a lot of men who love to build a terrace or build a shed and think construction projects are fun. And I can see, well, why not let me take it, since I'm having fun with it? And then she can come and wobble around and play music and bring cake. And as a way of saying well, it's not even a role play. It's really just recognizing that we're going to different places and then seeing it as two gifts. We didn't manage to bring awareness to it. It wasn't a thing that was possible in this. I think there's something wrong with her, but it was a learning experience. So when I read their no, I read. Then I can see, okay, where I was, right? Like if I try to put on a masculine one, she got annoyed and she kind of refused to let go of trying to just relax. Maybe she wasn't the right one, maybe she wasn't the one I was supposed to dance this with, so all respect and love to her. But the reason why I say. It's just because it's an experience. It's just an experience. And still three is actually that you start consciously playing with the fact that there are places or ways of being that give us energy or that we thrive in. So when I come home from work and have been doing something all day, the more I've done, the more I don't feel tired of it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Conversely, for me, unless it's been a relationally nourishing exchange and it's just been something like that, then I'm completely finished. So if they.

  Sune Sloth: Exchanges have produced something that has moved the project and we've come closer to the goal that I can see here. It's developing into something big, and things have been winging it. And the harder the problems are, and we succeed, the more energy I get from that. So there you go.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I can see that too. And that's the thing about traveling. Once you've booked into a hotel, you find out about the rooms, and for me, we just have to stay now. We're in this country now. I can't handle it, and I can see it for you and gnaw on it and go up and make a complaint and not smoke conflict and get it landed and get your money back. And so right there you dopamine I have the process where too much. It's almost like I'm dying inside and I can't handle it because I don't relax until I'm sitting on the terrace in the new place and we're through it, where the process for you actually gives you a kick. There's a very big difference. It doesn't mean I can't do it if I have to.

  Sune Sloth: Could have been consumed. Could have locked you together where you live, so you could have left it alone. But there's also something about you actually appreciating and saying I'm really glad you're taking care of this. I simply can't bear it. I can't handle it. I was drained by this. And can't we just stay here?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: When you look at me, I see laws, and we'll find another place. I'll take care of it. Just cool. Thank you for that.

  Sune Sloth: And I don't know if I do, but it's also a bit masculine to be confident before you know you have.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Right now you can handle whoever you want.

  Sune Sloth: And where you can say you have your problem, have a bad feedback loop and are not able to learn that and then think he has things under control all the time. And then she will also be incredibly annoyed with me if I...

  Mette Miriam Sloth: She turns. I don't always have him make it. No, there's something there, there's something about it. If he walks the road, he goes out and learns. That's what he is. And in most situations.

  Sune Sloth: Developing chat sites is something that we have learned something that not many have, and that is to learn from your mistakes and recognize them. And it says it out loud, as you sit with the chat site and say it wasn't. I'm very sorry for that, but I've taken the learning to heart. I could it be like this.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: How Trump could learn it?

  Sune Sloth: On a team? It's political, but it's a bit difficult. But there's something to be said in everyday language about structure and thoughts, ideas and things like that we produce. We say we, we play. I represent more than myself. We man.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Many.

  Sune Sloth: Many ideas. Some of them are clever ideas and some of them stick. And as I also said in the previous podcast, the history of flight etc. Some of them turn into crap, and some of them turn into a smartphone or asphalt or a rubber tire or bag MBT. But the ability to stick with the idea for a long time makes us so persistent that sometimes we succeed, where women are just like, well, we need to put more effort into it, and then he keeps messing around with it. And then sometimes it turns into nothing, and sometimes it turns into the wildest inventions. So there's also the ability to keep working on something you believe in. And let me just say that if you look out over the landscape, there are a lot of ideas you don't see that never came to anything, but with those that did come to something. So it's a no-brainer.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Say that the last podcast we did with me that goes into describing what popularity means. A longer explanation of what it is you're really saying here is what you're really saying. It's the whole interaction in everyday life, in the relationship. It basically has to do with how great a sex life you have.

  Sune Sloth: I didn't say that, but.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I interpreted that.

  Sune Sloth: With a question.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But we get that when we talk about polarity, because right now we're talking about polarity in everyday life. In other words, how. Which you could say that we offer gifts to each other. Of course, this means that there is less conflict, more laughter, more energy and more joy. That was one.

  Sune Sloth: Question.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: That's how it is when we talk about polarity. Typical sexual polarity.

  Sune Sloth: Today you can ask the question.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: What impact does conscious polarity in everyday life have on intimacy and sexuality in long-term relationships?

  Sune Sloth: So these things are connected. So you can say yes, but.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Many men don't know.

  Sune Sloth: Interesting. Yes, but this discussion in the car where she gets annoyed and she can't surrender to your structure, your decisions and your way and fights with you. It goes straight to the marital bed. So it goes straight into it all at once. A discussion. It's just a discussion. Not a heated discussion. It can just be the one that constantly challenges the decision he's made. And I know some men, it's the little mother of a stone, and you know you've traded the cow for a hen, which you've traded for eggs and then it goes and she has to pay attention here, because if he can't, if he's incompetent, to make decisions and he doesn't learn from it and he doesn't develop at all here, then it's because she.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Has more confidence in her own masculinity than his.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, and then she starts having to wear it. For good reason. So that's an important one. So there's also something about if you're incompetent and you're not able to perform in the world as a man and your decisions are lousy and you keep failing, then it's also hard to be sexy. Well, it's also hard to be attractive. It's in there.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Also always under it.

  Sune Sloth: And I'm not talking about that. I do. I also make misjudgments and some from the hip. Assessments. Some of it holds up, some of it doesn't.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And I have.

  Sune Sloth: When also thinking about when do you see through it? And you've seen it, but there's something beautiful about being able to shoot from the hip, because I think we have it inherited to look after the family and look after each other and look after our children. Doing split sessions and standing by them and holding on and so on. That's where we have to work. You have to be conscious. You have to be able to let it go, but we also have to be able to hold it if he says it won't hold. And you said Yes, it's good enough, you just have to see. You know, so you also have to be able to hold it when she doesn't have confidence. You also have to be able to hold it because if you start wavering this way and that, it can't be sexy, but we don't do that. It's going to sound like you have to do it to be sexy, but it's just not attractive and it's not hot. It's not polarized. You want to and are constantly wavering. And then those are the first realizations I had them. If you're constantly in, then. But she wants you to. If you think you don't have any values at all and you have some places and some firmness and something you want, or some things you hold on to, and things you have built up skills in the world, the ability to do things, then you also become like that. Spaghetti that is. And that's why I think it's important for men to get out into the world and test themselves and also push themselves.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: The man in the hierarchy.

  Sune Sloth: Yes. Yes, I would say so. I mean. It can be annoying to be pressured by other men or women, to be pressured by the hierarchy, but on the other hand, it can also make you feel better.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, saying yes and no and then practicing the odd things and standing up for something even if you fall on your ass.

  Sune Sloth: But not only that, but also being able to create under pressure and under changing circumstances. Well, that's what I'm thinking now. The whole idea of dogma films was so sad, and I can't remember who the others were. But the whole idea was to limit yourself so much that creativity came up. So the more limits Z is, the more okay we have. We can't use, we can't use background music, it has to be handheld, it has to be. The sound only comes from something online, so we can only have one. Tape recorder or something old-fashioned. D That, that, the moral or that's my take away and that is that the creative gets pushed, when you get pushed by frames, whether you're pushing your own frames or other people are pushing too much force, you can push into it and create something anyway that's cool. You can figure out how to maneuver in and you hit a wall. And then if you keep saying, I can't do it anymore or I'm being stubbornly stubborn, then you're not able to let go of your condition and so on and then be at peace with it and then come back the next day and say Okay, I'll try another way. So it's actually something about loving your masculine gifts here.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's actually also something about it being easier for her to let go and lean into his structure when she can see and observe that he can also take a bit of loving shit on himself when his structure falls. It gets harder, and the more he kept insisting that this was enough and everyone can see it, it wasn't enough. The more she can see he's deceiving himself and lying to himself. That's when she pooh-poohs it.

  Sune Sloth: I am a warning signal. Self-importance. If he can't laugh a little at his own mistake or places where it didn't hold up in a given situation.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: He shouldn't be perfect. That's not what it's about.

  Sune Sloth: If he can't, if he can't laugh at it, he can't distance himself from it, and then he can't really work with it. So the more self-important he is, the more sensitive he is to criticism. You can actually test him by going at him and teasing him, but in a loving way. With his decisions, he can stand up for himself. You've done that too. Can you? Can you stand in? Can you stand being teased lovingly by a woman? Because we men can stand and bully each other in a way where it's okay. Yes, I understand, but I can also stand with a colleague poking me in the stomach and saying when you've gotten fat, it's a pain in the ass, right? It just meant that my dentist was poking him. We were poking each other on the stomach, so we laughed a bit about it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: A little harder actually. There were no hard feelings at all.

  Sune Sloth: And then he says difficult. You can't say that to a woman, and then it's like push have it. It doesn't work, right? But you can nudge each other. But being poked by a woman, phew, and you probably feel the same way.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes.

  Sune Sloth: But not in a malicious way, but more in a deliberate way. You can tease him, but if he is. If he becomes gay, gets angry or hurt or feels sorry for himself, it's probably a sign that he's not really ready to allow himself and stand by his own behavior. And look, I was a bit of a cheeky hottie right there. So it's an excellent exercise to sit and watch Clown. And yes, ok, it's caricatured, but you've probably done some similar things, just a little less extreme, and therefore daring to laugh at yourself in the company of the woman you care about, or whom you love, might be a very good exercise, but not to be laughed at, but perhaps to be laughed with. And that's the difference in love with laughter. It's that you laugh with each other.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, there's nothing derogatory about it.

  Sune Sloth: It's not meant to belittle it, more to raise awareness. It may well be the situation that you're not so receptive, but you just need to be able to loosen up.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: You just do it. You come back and with the right to.

  Sune Sloth: Could show this in a different way.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: So in relation to taking the journey and you could say the masculine journey, which is basically about taking a deeper relational and creating a deeper relationship with a woman. What do you want to say? Now it's also kind of like what? What does it take for a man to want that?

  Sune Sloth: I don't know. And there actually has to be a willingness to prioritize it above everything else.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: You said at one point that and we've talked about that because it.

  Sune Sloth: It's such hard work to get through that hole and stand in it without pulling out. So there has to be. It has to be top and festive in a different way, and it also has to be over. For example, if he uses it as an issue, like getting sex, because he finds out that you can do a polarity workshop in your practice, and then I can do tantra and all kinds of crap. Then I have to.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Just to abuse.

  Sune Sloth: That. Yes, because then he realizes that this is another technique. The heart is not first, because it's not your desire to meet her and see her, or for her to see you, or for you to be loved. Then it's one. Then it's another scoring technique or a way to get close to women that you don't want to commit to. And I have to say this. It doesn't last a meter.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And it's in business, because then you start acquiring skills in relation to opening up a woman more deeply. Mette Miriam Sloth.

  Sune Sloth: I would highly recommend all women listening in. Stay far away or at least be super attentive here. And then you are super good at saying all the right things we talk about. There are books being written called Pickup Auto. There are many theorists. There's a whole curriculum on how to talk to women. And then there are many men who are too lazy to make a virtue of it and who don't get into it. But, believe me, there are entire communities that excel in how to go through phases. I've practiced that myself. D Way back, which is simply divided into three phases with three sub-phases that all work together. And they work. But they have nothing to do with the man's ability to.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: To have disconnected the heart.

  Sune Sloth: You could, in the absence of you, train social skills in this way.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: That's what you did.

  Sune Sloth: Yeah, that is, I tried to do with that, because it depends on what you want with it. Do you want a long-term relationship? But it's also an expression of an inability to be. But at the same time, it's also putting the man's gift into the fact that we don't really understand how women work. So there's a double standard where we have to be careful not to throw the man out with the bathwater. But it teaches us nothing about what happens afterwards. But we still had three. I'll very briefly round up status four, which is that we've found that we've kept three and we've found out which ones we can play with. We've found that we can go into them and be in them. And that can be quite sexy. It can take two forms. One is conscious, the other is not. If he does it consciously and she doesn't, then it dies on him becoming a gentleman who goes and fixes things and he takes structure. But she gets to basically be a little girl and he starts taking care of projects. I've tried that. I also have friends who have done the same thing consciously. If she doesn't want to connect here, then she's going to utilize you as some kind of huge nice. You. You are emotional Valero. You are loving, you can feel yourself. You're ready for it all. Plus you're ready to put cabinets up and organize her construction project that she hasn't taken care of in twenty years or whatever it is. Well, you can lean into that and think. It was wonderful. Nothing is required of me here.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: She's not going in.

  Sune Sloth: To, but is on it there and then. What if you go in with this one without her being on board? Then it gets stuck there. So she's suddenly sitting there looking down because you want to be present and she doesn't know why, but she doesn't really want to take care of it. And you've been working with your child just stops and then comes around. We're not going to talk about that because I was just about to. So be careful with that. There's an opportunity here. Women can take a lot of shots at men here and now, but you can also, if they want to do this, take shots at women.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Says they also want the relational aspect. But if they suddenly realize that he can actually match her and perhaps suddenly becomes even more aware of what's going on. That she then feels outcompeted or in some way she feels pressure. She has to take care. Things she actually has no intention of taking care of at all.

  Sune Sloth: And there we still hit four, because where it's going to be a bit into the trees, a kind of sexual like that might also get us closer in another and certain things together, because we start to open our differences and enjoy each other's gifts. Then we hit a wall in terms of what hurts inside ourselves. And it's one thing to take care of it with a body therapist or a psychologist or whatever, or whatever you can work with, whatever methods you have. But it's kind of like learning how to deal with war while you're at the therapist. It doesn't work. It's like having to say I'm going to work, training in some school, and then I go to the workplace. It's separate and you have to learn how to go to work. You have to go to work. You have to learn how to handle the pressure of the situation and you.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Learning to handle this in the relationship.

  Sune Sloth: So day four, as we have chosen to call the fear of something, and it's no better than these things and built into each other, so we can see that still one polarity, there are still two respect for each other, equality. We're both wonderful beings, and there's no one better and no one to suppress each other. It's built in there. It's not like I have the right not to do laundry because it doesn't say you have to or that you do. If I really don't want to do the drill and I don't want to do it either, then we have to talk about it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Then we have to find the money for a craftsman.

  Sune Sloth: But then equality is not the strait, the table in our differences extra at the table and there is also overlap in differences as well. It's statistically different, so there are places where we overlap. Okay, that's when we start to embrace the differences because it creates attraction. Feel each other's differences. It creates. It's delicious when she opens up. It's delicious when she dances around. It's great when she's just creating the atmosphere and having fun and being soft and welcoming and flirty and warm glances. She makes you want to consume someone you want to do something about. She makes you want to penetrate her and you know something needs to be done to her.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And it has to be now.

  Sune Sloth: Or if the kids are there, it's just a soft, delicious dance, which is then triggered when the kids are gone again, or when we have time alone or sleep together.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Or that children can benefit from because they lean into a field where there is polarity. But it's friction, friction. But it's not a conflict. It's not conflict.

  Sune Sloth: And it's not sexually passive. It can evolve to be that. But it doesn't have to be. So what I see happening with children is that they can seek the poles, and then they can experience that it's possible to be in their differences. So if you want the calm, gentle being and cozy, and how are you, you go to this, What are we going to do, and what's going to happen, and what does it all mean? And then I go, you know, we're going to do something in cakes, and then we put the boy, and then we go into full swing. And then everybody's getting it on, and that's because you couldn't do it. But I'm having fun with it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And I absolutely don't want to do that and that's why.

  Sune Sloth: You have to be honest with yourself. If you build like I do, men can also enjoy the craft, they're just not very many, so that's why I see. Then we come to quote three, and that is that it turns out so. And no one knew that. Or I guess you would have known this, or that we hit a wall where things pop up and constantly something pops up that recommends data and wine country. And then you have to work, you have to go yourself, and then you have to get soft. It just works.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, and I understand why they do it, you know, but it happens.

  Sune Sloth: Also, but it just doesn't work.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, it works in such a way that you can momentarily soften a little again, but it's not solved. That is to say, then you just come. It almost lets go, and then you come back. And then there's a little situation where you close again. That is, you have to work really hard to try to relax, and then it's a mess, like you said, and I know you and something saw it. It's just not. It's often still there unresolved.

  Sune Sloth: So without going in depth with status 4, it's actually starting to get a sense of energy and being able to go in and work with your own closure and your own heavy stuff that lies and both on yourself, but also in allowing the other and giving access to go in and work. And it goes both process and in the process that our abilities actually opened up I didn't know either of us knew we had abilities or rather they come down in chunks where you have experience behind you and way back, I don't have that, so I get it more like that. I find that along the way I get some guidance for things like that. So it's okay if I do this, so I'm a bit like that. So if you're the carpenter, I'm the rough one. It can persuade me on this. But nevertheless, it has been enough for me to be able to help you on when you went down. My carrier wave is actually to open your heart and allow love to open up. And then there's a dance there.

  Sune Sloth: Then there is an opening in something that was previously unresolved, and then a new kind of energy begins to emerge. New power comes in and the tension rises. But we can also hold it, and it doesn't feel strenuous. And then I am. There's actually more power, a more open heart, and then it hits something new, and then it starts all over again. And that's a lot. But it's also incredibly, incredibly interesting. And that process. That's what we call straight fire. We don't know if it ends or how it happens, but over all, it seems to be at rest, but present in power when the children are there. And then when they disappear, because we share children and both of them come at the same time, it starts popping up again. And then there's something like that. It plays into the way sex opens up in new ways. So that's one way. I can suddenly feel you in new ways, and suddenly there's a movement. And that's the best part. I can describe it as it still works.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, and some might sit and think, God, I don't know with any particular ability. Or do you have to have it, or can't you? And yes.

  Sune Sloth: They may come up in.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Gear. I think I think this is what it sounds like. It may sound strange and energetic or something like that, but I actually believe that we have the ability as humans to be very self-healing, and that we can actually heal each other in relationships. And I actually think it's there as a seed, as a potential. So I think what you and I are dealing with in our unique way is something that people have access to in their own unique way.

  Sune Sloth: It doesn't just come in chunks and then it's not just like, boom, you can do it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And no, and there's also a lot. Well, I also have lots of education, channeling, training and working and reading up on energies, there. There's lots of background training in that, but there's also something that was latent in me, like me in general and that. It was reading the works of the daughter was like I know this, this. I haven't lived it in this life, but I understand it. It awakens something in me that is already there. Now you have.

  Sune Sloth: Had something on it, and so did I, and now we're moving into you. And the good thing is that we have 95% women following along, and most women aren't intimidated by it, so it could also be exciting to dive into it. Yes, but but but but it's a bit more inside our journey, because we don't really know what happens if others do this. But we also just have to say that if humanity is to move on from here, there's no point in everyone just going to psychologists and therapists and sitting there, and then living their lives one step at a time. If we can't, what can lift us up together with those we love? Our points. Then you have to hug them and sit with them there and then get out again and then you've had a highlight if you have to have them. You have to have your turn and you have to do that. And every time you look back at what it looked like and then you take it again. If you don't practice in what has the most important water, how will we be able to move on from here if it's not possible?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I think we.

  Sune Sloth: That's not to say that it's possible with all men, but I think it's a possibility.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: We're actually holding a lecture here on May 17, where we'll talk about these things and about those who, when you hit your head in conflicts and that distance, build one about polarity and practice it in everyday life, and where we'll actually also give some examples for those who want to. You can just choose to be there until the lecture is over, but after the lecture, the work of getting guided in and doing some meditation exercises. Work on some of this, because some of these knots or these things that we bang our heads into our relationships in these wounds. Some of it is collective, so we share a common humanity. It's the same thing that we've been in. So we actually have to go in and play, because it's actually about getting work when you're all the same. One of them in the work of getting a sense of that is locked and I can't get rid of myself. I can just feel myself thinking about that episode, so shit and I get overwhelmed with fear or whatever the fuck it is.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And the thing about going in and working, where I support with my field, it's actually the person themselves who goes in and feels and senses that I was lying so it hurts. It clenches, thoughts come up, feelings come up now. Now it let go. Because it's not actually that I'm doing it. It's actually the fact that the person is there and feels how it goes from feeling overwhelmed and closed to feeling open. Every time we create this mechanism, the individual starts to be able to do it in their everyday life. So I think I'm actually going to go into the future at some point with being a psychologist. It no longer exists, and it's necessary because we have an extreme. Even healing potential in the body. I think there's something here. I think some of it can be awakened in the relationship and the reason it can be awakened in the relationship is because so much pain comes up. So we have to play with that. It's on May 17th, so if you're interested, you're very welcome and you can see it on our Facebook page.

  Sune Sloth: I would say that the way I've found to work with myself is largely not the same. What you're saying here has only recently made sense in my system. I'm being guided to do it in a different way. So I suppose there might be a difference. It could be that, but also that. Yes, but there may well be a difference between the genders here, because in the masculine system it's a lot about feeling your edge, feeling the identification, allowing it to work through until it sort of dissolves. Then something else happens. There are different things I've been guided to try to do. So it's also been an explosion in I can't just. We shouldn't just lean into each other, but there is a point here. There's something important when you hit your edge and can't get out of it. Then he needs someone who can see him from the outside with love. But it requires a willingness for him to let go of it and flow out and become a different state. And there we hit on something that in a man's body can feel like you want to go insane. Are you losing your touch because everything you counted on is falling apart until it comes together and then something new comes in? And that trust to let go of what's existing and allow new insight and come in that too. That's also a practice. Or is it something about allowing it to happen again and again and again, until it just becomes such that it flows in you? Now I see that almost only women have signed up, so I don't really know how much what I do will be relevant here.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I think it's interesting. I could imagine it's interesting for me as a woman to hear about it. Extremely interesting, and it's extremely interesting for women to know. This thing that sometimes when the man locks in and she can't get to him, she can see that you're locked. You're locked into a worldview that doesn't hold up. The one where sometimes he resists so strongly. You can't tamper with it. You can't shed light on it. That something is the reason for it is actually in him, that he feels the same way over and over again, he said. If this gets rid of the fact that there seems to be. In evolution, our gender is also characterized by evolution and the pressure that has been due to stereotypes, survival and everything else. So there also seems to be that he is statistically more identified with structure and forms, and therefore it's also much more overwhelming for him to let them go. He doesn't have access to fluidity in the same way that the female body does, because she's more cyclical, so he feels like. If I let go of this structure, then I'm nothing, and then I'm not. So there's also something to it.

  Sune Sloth: That he flows out and becomes what I saw.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Exactly, so it can feel enormously overwhelming for him. So we talk a lot more about that. The supportive and in all sorts of other places, I feel like getting up physically and playing, so you are very welcome. It's about time for us to wrap up for a while, unless there's anything you want to say. In the meantime, there is some sex with women men.

  Sune Sloth: Always keep going deeper always. And have had an overview of it for a while. How can it be experienced in a man with this? We've looked at these stages. We may not have completely covered how polarity is experienced from a different point of view, because you have. You've tried to give an outline of it from in the last podcast. But that description, that description of what polarity experienced from a man's point of view. What are the poles? Of course, now we're getting into that. Something about structure, and it's something about her being fluid. She's dancing, she's also participating. She's inviting. It's something about her being small. It's something about She can also be humorous, but she can also be serious. She can be stormy, she can be angry. She can be. She can be together. An ocean, basically like nature. One day she is, as they say, Big blue right? How about how you say? And says So don't. But, nature is all these states. And there is actually experiencing finding a joy and deliciousness about it. That she has all these things in her. All these states that make everything possible.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And changing all the time.

  Sune Sloth: Plus plus that and then plus is something else.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Who bores you happy.

  Sune Sloth: See it as a gift or be pressured if you have to have an explanation and she has to explain it and all that nonsense doesn't work. You can push her to do it, but does it seem wrong in the workplace? So leave it alone. Enjoy that she is changeable. Enjoy that it challenges you. Enjoy that your structure suddenly doesn't hold and see what you know dear. Then find something else and don't trap her, but create something where she wants to lean into and feel safe. So polarity can be like that in practice. There has to be a longing and desire to see her deeply and be allowed to see deeper and deeper. But it has to come from a place where you don't push your way in, where you're not invited. Where you also have the courage to put yourself out there. So if she's lying there sad and hurting and feeling sad or just withdrawn and you don't know what's going on, the easy solution could be to withdraw when she comes back. And you have a problem too. But another solution could also be to say I'm going to go in and hold her instead of asking What do you want? Well, you can get to a point where you can feel where she is, where you can almost know how to be there for her. But until that point, it's actually daring.

  Sune Sloth: And that means I can't always know, but I'm getting better and better at sensing what it takes. So you can get better and better at that. Better at looking inside. You can see into her energy body. You will see. You can feel directly what's happening, but up until that point, it's a matter of taking the plunge. When I say get out, you have to just. You have to get to the point where what she says has no real pay attention to, but this respect you have to respect and respect her deeply. But at the same time, you also have to dare to go deep and feel into what's going on? And then you must also dare to keep your structure for years. The principle if you say It'll be fine. We'll figure this out. We'll sell the house and land the new one, and she's got this poo here and it's going around. But you've got your shit together if you've got your shit together. If you're not just full of hot air, if you really have your shit together. If you don't have your shit together, then find someone hire some estate counselors, but make sure, if you care about her, that you make sure they have one, or whatever it is. Don't build that nice house like Piglet Build it yourself for crying out loud and build it and brick it and then conscience and look, If you love her, you'll take care of her.

  Sune Sloth: You look after the kids to make the brick house and if you can compete then you hire a bricklayer and if you only have crappy stones, then you have to buy some boulders and make sure you build structure or stick to what you know will last. So if she's driving around with you here and you can see it, there's no need to step on her or get stepped on. You're being stepped on, so there's something to work with if you can't stand and see her. But the love and fascination of the bubbly sides, when you hold on, then you are. Then you're not there, and maybe you can't start, but you have to have that curiosity about the feminine, or that the woman is incredibly exciting in her changeability. Then it will be a week that makes you want to investigate further and get closer and touch what the openings are and what you can do with them. On the surface, it will look like a form of flirting, but that's not what it is. It becomes one. If you don't have a genuine curiosity about who she is deeply curious about, watch her unfold, her power, a strength. You're afraid of her power then. Then you're not ready. So you have to stay away from this. If you're thinking of harnessing it so you can get some pussy, I'm sorry, I'm just going to say it straight on being a tantra massage therapist.

  Sune Sloth: Beads, bracelets and joints and children. And if you use it that way, they say it doesn't last and women just pay attention to this. You will find. You'll find men in these environments who use that entrance, and at first you can see it, but at some point you surrender, and then you let go and then you're receptive. And then I don't understand why he doesn't want anything more, and you become this. Borderland, where I'm waiting for you to allow him to send all too weak signals. I allow him to stand and waver because imagine if he chooses you, he has to turn it around and say Will he it's about his commitment with me. It's about what he commitment at all. So what is he looking for? Here he is looking for and choosing to focus on a woman or a man. If it's something masculine, he'll choose to try to keep his focus, but he can work with that every time the focus shifts because he wants to see her because he's so masculine here and there. Exciting mysteries unfolding. If he's there, he's ready. So every time he falls out, does he want to? Is he interested in coming back? That's actually the question.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Lastly, it's really good. It's not about what we go and choose he can't do, but we've all been there. I guess it will come again.

  Sune Sloth: I know that now. For love enough, he will come too, but.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's just by seeing it from the outside. If he's able to dial it in, and if he can actually keep his focus on it at a lower frequency, it may seem as if the woman is just something and I'm going to meet the one, but it's actually about the fact that she can only surrender. The feminine pole can only surrender if she trusts that he can actually keep his focus. So that's what it comes down to. A higher task is to feel chosen. What lies in the beautiful dance when you go this way and have a good conversation and choose each other and get disturbed by a lot of distractions. But you see it as a disturbance and come back again. There's a choice in that choice and does it?

  Sune Sloth: Yes, it's a choice. And with those words, then.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: We'll probably be back soon with another one or two, because there are so many delicious topics to dive into. But we have to stop for now after an hour and a half.

  Sune Sloth: And we're not arrogant, so if you get something out of this, write to us, because it's actually something we use for something. It's something we go and feel and think about your feedback.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I didn't understand that. Or I'm thinking about this.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, yes, and it's not a praise rice thing, you can do that too. Sure, nice emails are fine, but that's not what we're talking about here. If there's something that gave you something here, where it didn't give anyone anything here, then we might think that maybe we shouldn't delve into it any further. Or this, it was too much in a way. Well, then we can always adjust, so we're curious about yours. Yes, or you don't have to worry about being unreachable. We actually respond to pretty much everything right now, what we get, so. We shape this in interaction with you who are sitting out there and listening.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And yes, actually more than I want to say. Because of course if you think it's too much, of course you can have that too. But what we get the most out of it is actually if you have something like this on this girlfriend, these reflections. So it's actually that exchange.

  Sune Sloth: Level all this.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Because if you just think giants don't need to look at all.

  Sune Sloth: You can turn it off.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: There's no requirement for anyone to actually watch this. It's only nice and cool for people to watch if you feel it does something. It inspires something.

  Sune Sloth: And our starting point is that people are adults and can turn it off themselves.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, we're here to inspire, and we're here to say This isn't necessarily for everyone, and that's great.

  Sune Sloth: So there's nothing on that either. But, but, but, but, what I wanted to say with that was to write to us, because it's really exciting to hear. What would you like to see? We'll unfold.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And creates the quiet.

  Sune Sloth: Questions and so on. And as I said, on May 17, if you hear it before May 17, 2023, we have an event where we talk more about this, but where you can also talk to us, and we try to work with some of these exercises and energy work that finally came with it. Or come along if you want to. So I think that was okay for this time.