Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships
Unrealistic expectations can create major problems in a relationship. When we have expectations for our partner that are not realistic, it can lead to disappointment, frustration, and conflict. An example of unrealistic expectations is that we expect our partner to meet all our needs or that they should be perfect as we saw them in the early stages of the relationship. No one is perfect, and it is impossible to meet all of another person's needs.
Another pitfall is that we project our own unresolved issues and traumas onto our partner. This can create a dynamic where we expect our partner to "fix" us or that they should behave in a certain way to compensate for our own wounds.
We have previously written about the importance of communication. Open and honest communication about expectations is crucial to avoid misunderstandings and disappointments. It is important to be realistic in our expectations and to accept that our partner is an individual with their own needs, desires, and limitations.
Examples of Unrealistic Expectations
Here are some examples of how unrealistic expectations can manifest in relationships:
Expectation of constant harmony: Expecting that there will never be conflicts in a relationship is unrealistic. Conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, and it is about learning to handle them constructively.
Expectation that the partner will change: Trying to change your partner and make them a "project" is a recipe for frustration. We can invite and inspire our partner to grow and develop, but we cannot force them to become another person.
Expectation that the partner can read our minds: Expecting our partner to know what we are thinking and feeling without telling them is unrealistic. We are responsible for communicating our needs and expectations clearly and distinctly.
How Can We Handle Unrealistic Expectations?
Become aware of your expectations: Take time to reflect on what expectations you have for your partner and ask yourself if they are realistic.
Communicate openly and honestly: Talk to your partner about your expectations and listen to their perspective.
Be willing to compromise: In a relationship, it is important to be willing to meet in the middle.
Focus on the positive: Appreciate your partner for who they are and focus on the positive aspects of the relationship.
Summary
Handling unrealistic expectations is largely about taking responsibility for your own needs and feelings. It is about accepting that our partner is not responsible for our inner world and that we ourselves have an active role in creating a satisfying relationship. It can also mean that you come to the realization that the relationship will never be what you thought it could be. Recommended listening: Podcast episodes 11 and 12.
