Is He Relationally Mature?
Is He Truly Invested in the Relationship?
When you're dreaming of a deeper connection with a man, it's so important to consider if he truly values the relationship. And I'm not just talking about his connection with you, but also the one he has with himself. This is such a big clue as to how he'll navigate the bumps in the road ahead. A man who's genuinely curious about who he is, and who makes time to understand himself and others, shows a level of maturity that's essential for a fulfilling partnership. He takes responsibility for his own feelings and the dynamics he brings into the relationship.
Beyond Just Words: Look for Real Action
It's not just about him repeating the things you've already told him about himself. It's easy enough to parrot back something you've mentioned – "Oh, my mother was like this, so that's probably why I do that." But it's a whole different story when you see him actually wake up to that insight himself, take ownership of his behavior, and genuinely work towards making a change. When he can sincerely say, "You know what, I can see I was angry, and that must have been overwhelming for you. I really need to work on that." And then he actually does the work! That's when you know he's as serious about the relationship as he is about his job or his hobbies.
Is He Sharing the Load?
So many men (and women) can be incredibly driven when it comes to their careers or their personal projects, but when it comes to relationships, they seem to let go of the reins and expect their partner to take over. This is a pattern that a lot of us have grown up with, and it's something you really need to be aware of when you're choosing a partner – especially if you're thinking about starting a family.
Don't Forget About Your Own Journey!
It's also vital to consider your own maturity in the relationship. If you're not quite there yet, you might not even be attracted to a man who is invested in the relational aspect. A truly mature man isn't going to be swayed by how you dress, how sweetly you smile, or by you trying to be "perfect" to please him. He'll see right through the facade. He's looking for a woman who's confident and strong in herself, who can laugh out loud without worrying about what others think, and who doesn't try to conform to some idealized version of what a woman "should" be. In the same vein, a woman who isn't mature might struggle to handle a man who is, simply because he won't play along with the subtle manipulations and games she might unconsciously use to get her way.
Growing Together, or Growing Apart?
The most wonderful thing is when you both embark on this journey of maturity together, side by side. If one of you is blossoming and growing while the other is standing still, it can create huge cracks in the relationship. Communication can become dull or even disappear altogether, and conflicts can escalate because you're missing that genuine exchange and understanding.
Beyond Potential: See Him for Who He Really Is
So, when you're thinking about having children with a man, it's so worth taking a good, hard look at whether he's genuinely interested in the relational side of things. Does he actively engage in the emotional work, and does he take responsibility for the issues that come up? Or does he just talk about it without actually doing anything? It's also important to be honest with yourself about your own expectations. Are you drawn to his potential, just because you had a great conversation a year ago? Or do you truly see him for the person he is right now?
Can You Accept Each Other, Flaws and All?
It's easy to fall in love with a fantasy of who your partner could be, but to build a truly strong relationship that can support a family life, it's essential to see each other clearly, honestly, and without the rose-tinted glasses. Can you embrace the reality of who he is, imperfections and all? And can he do the same for you?
For more information listen to podcast E38.
