Podcast E36: Children, Parenting, and Energy Work

In podcast E36, Mette Miriam Sloth and Sune Sloth focus on how energy work can be a valuable tool for parents who want to improve their relationship with their children and create a more harmonious family life. They argue that energy work can help parents understand and change the underlying causes of their worries, reactions, and patterns that can negatively affect family dynamics.

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  Benefits of Energy Work for Parents: Energy work can help to:

  • Cleanse and balance the parents' own energy field, so they avoid transferring negative emotions to their children.

  • Identify and release negative patterns stemming from their own upbringing.

  • Develop a deeper understanding of their own emotions and reactions, allowing them to respond more calmly and consciously in stressful situations.

  • Find inner peace and the energy to handle everyday challenges.

  How Energy Work Can Benefit Children:

  • When parents work with their own energy, they create a more stable and secure atmosphere for their children.

  • This can help children feel more safe and loved, which is crucial for their emotional and mental well-being.

  • Children do not need to learn about energy work to benefit from it; they learn by observing their parents.

  Practical Examples of Energy Work in Parenting: Mette Miriam Sloth and Sune Sloth share examples of how they have used energy work to:

  • Manage their children's emotional challenges, such as anxiety and anger.

  • Improve their own patience and presence as parents.

  • Help a child relax and focus when feeling overwhelmed by schoolwork.

  The Value of Setting Boundaries:

  • Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for protecting parents' energy in close relationships.

  • It's about being able to say no when necessary and ensuring that parents' own needs are also met.

  • By setting boundaries, parents create an atmosphere of respect and understanding where everyone's needs are acknowledged.

  The Importance of Personal Development and Spiritual Growth for Parents:

  • By working with their own energy and consciousness, parents can develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships.

  • This involves confronting and processing inner shadows and blockages, which can create space for more light and love.

  • Parents should prioritize self-care and reflection to maintain a higher vibration and create a more positive influence on their family.

  Energy Work as an Alternative to Traditional Therapy:

  • Mette Miriam Sloth highlights that energy work can be an effective tool for working quickly and deeply with specific problems that would otherwise require years of therapy.

  • She describes an example with a client where energy work was more effective than traditional therapy in managing the client's reactions to their children.

  The Podcast Emphasizes:

  • Worries and anxieties from parents can negatively affect children's energy fields.

  • Negative patterns in family dynamics can be broken with time and dedication, and energy work can play an important role in this process.

  • Traumas can be transmitted through generations, and energy work can be a way to break this cycle and release these generational traumas.

  Podcast E36 provides a comprehensive overview of how energy work can be integrated into parenting to create a more harmonious and balanced family life. Mette Miriam Sloth and Sune Sloth share their own experiences and offer concrete examples of how energy work can be applied.

• Transcript

  Translated transcript of the original Danish podcast

  Hosts: Mette Miriam Sloth & Sune Sloth

  Sune Sloth: Welcome to episode 36 of the Hedge magazine podcast. This time about energy work and how it can support you in your parenting and how it works harmoniously in the family and in relation to children. Yes, let's talk about that. So.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I actually see energy work and helping parents with energy work as an extra level or an extension of what I did in those 10-12 years, where it was primarily counselling about talking about patterns and emotional reactions and talking about being in difficult situations with children. Because they could see that I was mapping the patterns. But the thing about sitting and talking about what do you do when you're freaking out? What do you do when you're worried? Because everyone knows I'm hugely worried about my kids, so it affects my actions, and then it affects my kids, and they take in my worry. The problem is just that once you spot you worry and you spot that it's not good because it's actually disrupting your child's field, then you know, you get even more worried that you don't know how to step out of the worry. So it becomes such a very negative spiral. And it was really frustrating to sit and talk to parents, because I could see this too, and I know it from my own parenting. Especially the younger my child was and my son was at the time. It's as if the more helpless your offspring is, the more tendency there is, at least as a mother.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And be worried if you automatically take on too much responsibility here. So when I, together with you, threw ourselves into this way of energy work that we do, I realised that it's a completely insane tool and completely super effective in terms of actually very, very quickly going in and working on the exact places where you repeatedly and repeatedly and repeatedly and repeatedly bang your head into your mother. So for those of you who have got there, you've mapped out your patterns. You know where you're being pressurised by your children. If you don't know, I can help you with that, but it's more that some people are in a deep despair and I can see the many saying it like it's the crane reigning in slow motion. I know that my child is in something. Something is in a certain mood or doing something and something starts to happen in you and you know. Fuck fuck, fuck in a minute. Either I start crying, I collapse. Or I feel like hitting my child or throwing out the window. Or I suddenly freak out and it's like you know you can do that. You can see that you're on your way out of that branch.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: You don't want to, but it's like it's too hard. It's as if all the times humanity has done this, it's left automatic reactions in the nervous system. So you have a part of you? I don't want to end up here, and I don't want to. But you can't step out of it. It's like a train that takes you. And then you end up in the same place. And you also reach a point where you have one of those. I can't. It starts to sound hollow and apologise. On the other hand, when I keep flipping these places or collapsing or being anxious or being beside myself or being alpha. That was mine. I got so much beating from my son. I was so upset with my body and I wasn't present and I could see it. We knew it, but shit, it wouldn't be super about it. I had to chew through it the hard way, because I actually had no idea at the time that I could work like this. That came later. I wish I had met someone who could help me in the way that I know helps people now. Damn, I'd like that.

  Sune Sloth: But you also have. You also have a degree in web parenting and have worked with it yourself therapeutically in relation to it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, yes, I've worked with a lot. All the ramifications. I've chewed through the field I've been engrossed in and figured it out.

  Sune Sloth: You've mapped attachment patterns. What else have you been around? Just to get the basics here. What's the psychological stuff?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: What are attachment patterns and everything. The whole trauma theory and all the different ways of releasing trauma. I've familiarised myself with different disciplines and have tried them.

  Sune Sloth: On my own body.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And just breaking a body that I have been. I've been completely locked up like a hot missile and don't understand this. And what I realised was that there are some things, once you've mapped out your patterns here, language and therapy, which is brilliant. To understand what's happening, and that's where you can also be used. Now you can also sit and feel a little bit. What are the feelings that arise in you, what's in it? So you can get that far. But the next step is How do you recode the nervous system? How do you read this? So there's enough room for you to do something else, because some parents have a bit like that. If I don't leave this soon, then. Then it destroys the attachment, or it affects the approach to my child negatively, so they feel like I don't have time, I don't have time. I don't have years to stand here and freak out or collapse or be worried or feel extremely stressed.

  Sune Sloth: The first two books are about how you work with parents, how they work with children. Then you came to a realisation. What was it? And what is it that made the shift here?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Well, the shift was that I felt a bit like I had gone from a place where I couldn't feel a single emotion in myself, and I just had automatic reactions and I had a fucking attachment to who I was. I was Mads and I was kind of okay if I can chew my way through this and actually control and get control of my thoughts. Control my emotions by training myself not to freak out, when I finally go out there, I can sit down. Then I can feel the condition and I can let it move in me. And when it lands again, I can go back into another module, another mode and then I can repair with my child, so I've kind of covered a lot of bases. It was really hard, and he woke me up on many levels, but it was like I could. I could keep up with him even though he was sweating a packet he and I. I was happy.

  Sune Sloth: Me.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Absolutely insanely violent, and that's why I got this. When I know I can do it because I was just an ordinary, wounded, traumatised person, then others can do it too. And then I became dead in 10 years and very frustrated, and I could see how hard it is for people. I could see that they understood what I was saying and they could feel it. But it was like they can't hold it if I come back and have to hold it. Then they fell down. They couldn't keep up the pace of getting to the place where they experienced the fruits of the fact that it's almost like at the point where you can feel what you can feel right now is being pressurised, so you might have double vision or triple vision and can. In my nervous system, my reaction right now is to want to rip my son's head off. But I also have love for him. I can actually hold my field without going completely dark. And if I'm conscious, I can actually stand here and deal with it and set a limit without freaking out. Maybe even with a little humour. And then this old nervous system coding, where you just had to adjust so that I could feel that this was where I had reached after 8 years of work. And then when I found out later, one of the things I realised was that the field I have, the energy field I have, I move movement with in my field. So when it ends up in the place of nervous disorders like a trauma or a wound that is locked, the automatic movement now automatically starts to harmonise. I just didn't realise that. And someone then took me over to get through. But if I hadn't had the natural movement available, I would have been stranded too. I would simply have been stranded in some of the wounds I've found myself.

  Sune Sloth: But can't you also say that you've had access to both being conscious and feeling things very strongly at the same time?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, yes, that.

  Sune Sloth: Won't most people have an experience of being hijacked, then overwhelmed and then find themselves stepping out of it? Unless they have that or something else that makes them unable to reflect. So there's something about being overwhelmed and then coming out of it and then realising to your horror that what is, what has happened or not happened.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Or yes, that's right.

  Sune Sloth: But then the energy work comes in and what difference does it make, because you've still been able to move, but something happens.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, something like that happens because the energy work comes in. And first of all, your field can allow me to let myself fall deeper, because your field is transformed, so I can let myself fall deeper into some of the traumas I have that are not from this life. So generations of trauma, which are violent genes and epigenetic generations of trauma and or what we call past lives. And the energetic limitations and lockdowns that precede that are very hard to experience in a nervous system, and not everyone takes that on and goes that deep. But if you know you're someone who goes that deep, and you'll know if you bother to listen to this so that it resonates with you, then it's extremely important to find someone who can work at that depth, because you need someone who can help you move.

  Sune Sloth: And who can help you get into gear so you don't get stuck.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Exactly. And it actually meant that I got a deeper grip and released more in my field, so it's absolutely brilliant. But the thing about actually starting to use that tool, because that's what we wanted to do and that's what I did too. And we do this every time we're in a place where we're under pressure from the kids. Can you.

  Sune Sloth: Explain the trick? It's not safe.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: The trick is basically that you can be tricked a lot and in many ways. So that is, there is something your child does, or some situations around your child, perhaps with your ex or with your partner or with the school daycare centre, that makes you angry, anxious, worried. Emotions that hijack you, that overwhelm you and make it difficult for you to see clearly. And in those states, you may make choices that make things worse. And you know that. So those are uncomfortable states to be in, where you either want to set very hard boundaries and become very pointed, or you become almost like you're inside yourself all the time because you're really worried that your loved ones are going to disappear, or they're going to die, or you get really anxious. Are they being bullied or is someone doing something to them or something like that, which many mums in particular know? Anxiety on your child's hand?

  Sune Sloth: Is it the feeling that comes up inside you? Or is it what triggers what's outside of you?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It can be that. It can happen in several ways. It can. It can be. It could be that something is happening in the world. It could be war in Gaza, it could be Corona that activates it, and then it pushes it out on your children. There's been a trickery with them. So you're worried they might get sick, or you might depend on what you have with you. And if you don't know what you have with you, then you can have anxiety about all sorts of things, and you can be baked by some inherited trauma around the fear of losing, the fear that the child is not yet okay, and so it has the deep Rubicon of thinking that the child might die. There are all sorts of survival fears associated with children, and they will come up. Consequence and consequences.

  Sune Sloth: I've asked that we talk about it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I don't know, there are some tests, some English words that offer themselves as if they have a better frequency. But. What are they?

  Sune Sloth: So when you start out, you have these experiences and you see them repeat themselves. And you have to do that and the old methods. How do we land it? How do I stand in it, and how do I land it and reconnect?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I could see that I've actually done what I call energy work myself. I just didn't realise I was doing it. And then I tried to explain it with examples to parents, and they understood it well. They could see it, but it was extremely difficult for them to practice, because many people don't feel that way. Many people have the moving element with them in their energy system, but for many it's not unpacked yet. It was apparently unpacked in me without me realising it. So that's why. That's why coming and getting help to move to the place where you hit your own edge again and again. And that's the place where you get that edge where you freak out or get anxious. That's kind of what these episodes with my kids do. I end up here, and if I get stressed, it can be super simple. Then the moment gets angry and it becomes a cycle, which means that your relationship with your child or children becomes more and more pressurised and you spend more and more time thinking about it, which also makes it worse. Then you get worried and more stressed, so it becomes an inappropriate cycle and time.

  Sune Sloth: Do you drift further away? Is there a greater distance?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, it creates a greater distance. So I go, there were sometimes, you know, a bit like ebb and flow, so sometimes it's like, if there's a holiday, then it's going very well. It's like it's right out here. Do you think he starts school again and then something happens. The day gets stressful or you know, or it's like a pillow? Disappointment or you can't get angry or someone's lying there. It's like there's these inbuilt places where you have exposed tooth necks. When these episodes happen, so many parents have an experience that they almost and it's not PTSD, but they have an experience of almost PTSD symptoms as their children. Like who does. When my child and like shell shock veterans get flashbacks around New Year's Eve and their whole body reacts with anxiety attacks, when they hear fireworks for example. It can actually happen in parenting that some of these places where you've banged your head into these things with children many times, and it can be, for example, Phew, if I come along and say that we're going to have a summer holiday, and my child then gets disappointed and gets angry, and it can do something to you and give you so much discomfort that you step out of your body as if it becomes so overwhelming.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And you can't understand why. Because you can just say That's too bad. There are some emotions in the state of the child that you can't handle because it activates something in you that is very uncomfortable and makes you parent, it can be something different. It's different what activates something, but believe me, you want to know because it's so overwhelming when it activates something. And it's actually a way for evolution to clean some of this stuff up because parenting was so unconscious for so long. And now we're forced to because it's so uncomfortable in our system. But we were forced to look at it, and if we refuse to look at it because it's uncomfortable and we just shut down and there's nothing, then our relationships with our children become so unbearable that they run away. It becomes so excruciating. So there isn't. You can't look at it, and then all of a sudden you have children who have no contact with you, or it becomes very difficult to be together.

  Sune Sloth: So when you have clients coming in. Does it happen in relation to this in terms of what happens?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, what I've experienced now. We've actually realised that this is what it is. About a year and a half ago, we actually started saying energy work. We offer the most, because it had a lot of counselling and talk therapy.

  Sune Sloth: Still offering the other, but that.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Combines it with that.

  Sune Sloth: As it ends up.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I would say that 95 per cent of my consultations I use energy work to one degree or another, and then there may be some times that a little bit is just too much conversation and some it's just 100% energy work. And then there's about 5 per cent left, which is pure conversation.

  Sune Sloth: There is still dialogue.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And there is always dialogue. I have a few where we don't actually say a word and where it's pure. We start energy work a little bit at the end, but the hardcore group I would say. It's as needed, so it's customised. If it's the typical people who are in a longer programme, then they find. Then when they find out what does energy work do for them? Sometimes the need for the words becomes less over time, but it becomes intertwined according to what the individual needs.

  Sune Sloth: So you're thinking of an example where you have a client? There have been some of these things with children and their children coming in. They work with them in different ways, or maybe they haven't. And then you go to work. What can happen then.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: This, right?

  Sune Sloth: The session in between.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And I want to give this particular example, because for me it shows how effective this is versus when I just sat and had a conversation. And this is a client who has tried energy work before and has worked with it in other ways. So that means she's extremely curious about it. She can feel that it's useful for her. She just hasn't used it in relation to things related to her children and her child, and she has some things with her child where she has. There was some concern and it came up in relation to that, and he had some pretty powerful tantrums or demand refusals that she found really hard to deal with. That did all sorts of things to her and what she described. I can see myself from the outside. I can see that I want to do something different. I can feel it escalating, but I can't control it. It's like a floodgate of violent intensity opens up in my system, and then I become furious and way, way, way too furious. Then it's like. I can't. I can't control it. Or I get so worried and anxious that I'm constantly on top of Pelle in him, wherever he approaches. And then he ends up rejecting me and getting angry.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And then comes my rage. She can easily see it where she was like that. I don't really have anything to hang it on. I can't. I don't understand why it's so violent. And I also want to have worked on that earlier so as not to energise, but working on it earlier, we could sit and talk about it here. Many, many, many hours on trial, and then it would wear and try something and come back, and then it was still just as violent, so it will not. It won't psychologically understand, but it wouldn't really move anything. Yeah, I wouldn't actually. It would help a little to be seen and met by me in understanding it and mapping out why it happens. And it's not that there's anything wrong with her, but it's as if it didn't really affect anything in everyday life. That's how we worked with it the first time. I guided her in for an hour, and she was so used to being guided in and feeling how the energy moves around her body and being able to follow along. So she was quite self-sufficient, and I could just go and focus on work. So of course it should be said that that's why it was also super effective.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's also effective if someone has never tried energy work before and can feel it, but there are a few more guidelines, and they are a fan of this. And that means that in one go, we actually get to the root of the overwhelm, and she gets information about why it is that it lands. What was it? There was. There was everything. There was everything. A fear of someone dying. All sorts of images can come up, that I'm losing my son, and there's something about war, and there's something coming. It's as if archetypal images or early life images come in, without it being that specific. Previously, it was more like it was more of a summarising of different situations or things of intensity associated with the fear of losing, which made her super anxious and eventually become angry trying to protect. And then we kind of keep going until the exhaustion She keeps working until no more images come in, no more overwhelming sensations come in and she feels what it means. In that way, it works a bit like exposure therapy. I ask her to go in and think about these situations with your son, where everything goes completely crazy, and then she feels it all, and I work, and then it releases, and then she goes back in and thinks about it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: There was a bit more, and then we go through it. So I keep going and going and going until she finally. Now there was something that just calmed down. When I think about those episodes with my son, there's nothing. It's going to be like that now. Now you have to go out in real life and see, because right now your system is calibrated. Now you have to go out and experience. How is it with your son now, when it happens, how do you react in real time? And then some time passes. Because life will bring situations and children that are overwhelming in different ways. There are some different nuances that we haven't touched on here and that weren't in this package of frequencies that come up to see if anything else comes up and in that situation, it's just done. And then it's just that the experience is not with us now we can move on to the next problem, or it will typically be that it's smaller, that it has taken the top, and then sometimes there are several layers to it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: You can't know. I can't see that in advance. It's as if the ones that have to go out into the world and meet some resistance with someone and some friction are pushed up, and then we continue working. So. And here it actually turns out that the next time we have a station where there was bullying, she still has conflicts with hers. You have different needs, and you don't always have to be in the schoolyard. But she didn't experience that. Inside her, there wasn't that intense worry. Almost as if he's dying. He's dying, he's dying. He's dying. Which also allowed her to freak out at her husband because she has that. Why don't you take responsibility for not realising how serious this is? He just doesn't have the same experiences as you do. So it would also have helped indirectly to reduce the level of conflict between her and her husband. And this is something she's been struggling with for years. So it's not the same as saying that everything she can endure, there are more things. But it's more to say that when I go in and look at how many hours I'd have to sit with a person to try to approach what's better than conversation.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: So this is crazy effective because you can much better handle everyday conflicts with your child that arise. It's not that we'll never get rid of it. Or it can, but there is a possibility that you actually end up in a place where it doesn't have to be a big deal. That it's more like that. A small imbalance, and then you just fine-tune and land. I actually think that's a possible future. Between children and parents. But right now there was a backlog where we have to learn how to navigate this. So expect there to be conflict. Isn't that dangerous? It's actually more about whether you can stand in it, where you're not completely pushed into the red or completely pushed into collapse and deep fear of losing a child, which are the two opposites. So the standardisation thing is much better. But this is a bit difficult, so let's look at it. And then we take the next theme, and then we take the next theme until there are no more themes and she or he is self-propelled and can kind of go in and move them themselves. So that would be the way to do it.

  Sune Sloth: Examples of others.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I'm in relation to children. But it can also be a bit of what you have examples of. You've also tried it with your own and my own child. How do you do it too? Because Martin and I could hear that from a man. No, because you're just as effective as me. It's pretty cool to hear how a father approaches this and how you experience it.

  Sune Sloth: I experience being annoyed and angry about a boundary being challenged.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: From many angles.

  Sune Sloth: I was more irritated. Then you became very boundary-setting and direct and so on. Then it doesn't matter. It just becomes like this and sets up consequences. And I can feel a distance being created. And I can feel myself getting hard inside. Delimited. And then I've had help working with it, so I found out over time. From situation to situation. I have been able to stand in and stay in those situations. Where they are less and less of a problem. But I can see a son very, very clearly where he is and realised that it's about a subtle balancing act between setting boundaries and being accommodating. To the place where he lashes out, never flips out at me again and challenges me. But there's a calm inside me in such a way that I can take it with energy and humour.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Or maybe it was.

  Sune Sloth: It's the same thing, but he doesn't suddenly have something in the same way.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: No, because there's something biological, but it's more like there's something there. There's something about blended families that doesn't seem to be a paradox, they're not. It's not always like this, but I think it can be drawn. Your non-biological child will be kind of like this. At least if the biological parent takes responsibility for the child. And just as you know, making sure that the child is not pushed too much into the new adult who has been added to the family and the child is allowed to choose on and off here, the child will typically be like that. Is like this. I also keep an eye on you a bit, observe you a bit and you don't quite have it. So the child doesn't freak out like the child, doesn't freak out so much at doctors and grandparents anymore. It's more the parents who get the whole package. This also means that the child doesn't hold back as much either, which means that you can also hold back the relationship a bit.

  Sune Sloth: I've experienced the reverse, that the more calm I can be. But also powerful boundary-setting, because there's something about masculinity in relation to realising that anger is a thing that has become somewhat dangerous. Something I talk about to give us an umbrella feeling for men when they don't really know what they're feeling. Angry and boundary-setting and annoyed, or can't we find a solution to that? Because it was shutting down. When I experienced that his trust in me and he dares to tease me and go to me and push me a little once in a while and as he experiences I feel more calm towards. My son.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, that's right. He's observant.

  Sune Sloth: On how I handle this. And overall, I would say that. The overall mission is actually to help a new generation of little men and boys who become men who are able to feel themselves, who dare to collapse, who dare to be vulnerable, and who can find their own way back up. And who have a strength in that. And who are not made wrong or turned into a wimp or wimpy child because they feel, but at the same time don't become too vulnerable so that they collapse all the time. Are there some wimps who are unbearable for anyone to be around?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Who become passive aggressive because they don't actually dare to articulate their power, anger or boundaries and constantly pack it away.

  Sune Sloth: So of course there's also a lot of modulation, because the moment something arises and they can see. But having words for emotions and the fact that there are needs and they can intersect. And how do we figure that out? Then they start modelling it in their own way, without taking it on a one-to-one basis, but finding their own way in it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It has actually been an enormously beautiful journey for me to witness how you have done it with your own son. But but but but, do it with my son when there is an openness to it, because the other way. It's good that we women can learn to do it too, if necessary. But it's actually ok to learn emotions, emotional language phrases as something conceptual, i.e. diving into the now and then because then I can feel disappointed right now, and that's what you can compare to the state. And then you can make a suggestion, because boys haven't learnt this. It's not in the culture. They've learnt it with emotions. Where girls. We can mess around too. It's just been there as feelings. Looking in a lot when they become sexually mature. So it's been like that, so they try to make sense of it. That doesn't mean that boys don't have all the feelings about it. They do. Or have all the frequencies? They do. But it's a different way of approaching it. And I can actually see that when I got to know you and met your son, I could see that when he got overwhelmed, my stomach hurt and collapsed. He couldn't put his feelings into words. He was the same age and he was just going through a divorce. So the thing about seeing that now he can say this and you get a stomach ache and that, and then you can say I'm pissed off or I'm disappointed. He can actually differentiate between quite a lot of states now that he does that. It's simple, because you haven't trained him to do that, but you've used situations to ask questions with openness and curiosity.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: When you haven't been the trick, which you've taken care not to be, but with time. And then he can say, ‘But that's right. I also sense that there is a disappointment, and I understand why you're disappointed, because we should have been somewhere else. Now it's raining, so we can't go. You're disappointed, and so are you. Are you also like that, where we women think men can be mums too, at least we know it. That we can have a hard time with our emotional register lashing out bonkers when we can see that our children are in a painful emotion. It can be hard for us to contain it. I think there's something in the masculine capacity there. And that's not a man. But it's about becoming well-versed in the masculine, so you can actually stand and say I've seen you. So that was a very inspiring thing to do for your son. Now you have a choice. You feel the disappointment. It's there. Now you can choose whether you want to step out of it or you want to stay in it. So you don't actually go in and use the narrative that now you're trapped in an emotion. You can't do anything with that. Then it's actually not true either. We can believe it, because that's what it feels like. When we're in an emotion, it feels like it's impossible to step out of it. But it's actually an illusion. It's possible because we have a self-regulating capacity. The question is really whether it's self-regulating. It's really just a frequency question, but.

  Speaker3: The.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Theory aside, it's actually true that it's possible to step in and keep up. We just haven't been able to do it before as a species because there's so much intensity in the different emotions, so we feel so hijacked by it. So the thing about seeing a 10 year old you know being disappointed and pissed off and slamming the door and you know you have a choice here you die, so you don't take it. You don't take it away from him, the safe perfect. It doesn't give him an ease. You don't scold him. Now he just wants to be. And you get a bit moralising. And eventually he comes out. Now he's stepped out of it Dad, it wasn't that nice and I can't. We can't do anything about it anyway. It's just a half-fucking Christmas emergency at the age of 10. Grown men can't do that. So there's something here. There's really something to it. That I believe. Because all the depressing fashions in parenting are actually less about where we take them to Mallorca or what we do with them than whether they get 12 figures or what clothes they wear, or whether we eat organic or not organic. So fuck all that stuff. Can we teach them this? Can we mirror them? Can we work with them here, because this is how you can handle the sensations that are in you. Use your masculinity to figure out what's going on and to dissect it and then use your feminine side to choose or surrender to you. Allow and feel it. Feel the disappointment. Feel the anger so it can move. And so you can say Now I've been there. When you step out of it. It's an interplay between the masculine and feminine in you. If you're sweaty, you can handle anything.

  Sune Sloth: Then you're also there because now I'm with him when he's there.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Of course.

  Sune Sloth: But I realised over time that sometimes he wants to be with it himself, and sometimes I have to let him be with it himself, even though he treats it as something that is seen a lot. But it's the laminates they go for themselves. They get angry. They get angry, they can't really handle rejection for example. Or when a project goes sour.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Their structure collapses.

  Sune Sloth: It's just disappointment. It's also when you have a project you've set out to do and then you can't do it. You don't have the skills for it, or you haven't had enough to eat, or you keep going even though you're tired instead of learning and putting it down and then picking it up another day and continuing. Keep going. There may also be some things that I experienced that I can be with him in it, but that's also what's really interesting, this quietly and calmly and let him see for himself if he can. In relation to Marstal Blues, says Batman's butler. Pick ups, and that's it. And it's something about recognising those feelings and figuring out what to do with them. So, for example, Well, there aren't any feelings that are wrong. There aren't any. They always have a message of some kind. But he's not trained in that. I haven't trained.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: No, and that.

  Sune Sloth: It's more a way of being together. And then it's something about me continuing to work until I'm not really at it anymore. When he does something and when he does something.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And when that happens, we work together.

  Sune Sloth: Lately to do something or other. Sometimes it can come down, up and down with the children, where I can feel that it creates a strange atmosphere, and then we work with it. And when it lands, you realise that things that have nothing to do with children create a strange atmosphere that makes them react. And then you also have to work with things that actually have nothing to do with children.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: When something happens between the couple, because it affects the parents a lot or the children a lot. So it also needs to be more supportive, and that also makes sense.

  Sune Sloth: So there's also something about how the atmosphere is between the parents in the family, but of course it taps into that. I think I can see that. The more you work with both parents and loosen things up, the more you create a space that is so stable that it can withstand anything. It becomes resilient to that. And it actually gets stronger when these things are. It does. So one of the things they can be afraid of. If your child is going through a divorce, and the child doesn't want you, and I'd rather be with the other person, and I never will. And you know deep down you're right. It's probably not going to happen, but it sets everything in motion.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's something about taking it on so that you don't go down some incredibly unfortunate paths, but suddenly buy things to do something you can't keep or think that it's the other person who has alienated the child. And you can walk out all sorts of parties, which only makes things worse.

  Sune Sloth: And if the child is just allowed to come up with it and be angry and rejecting, because rejection from the child is something that's really hard to be in. Rejection for everyone is hard to be in. But some of the realisations that have come out of it are also that ultimately, children have to go their own way. And that means that there is a rejection of the liberation that will be in stages, and that is, there is also an individuation in rejecting the parents, because what do we do? Have you thought it through when they turn 18? Do you bother to sit and borrow them? They might bring them food and have a good time and chat a bit. Maybe you help them with something, and then you have an equal dialogue about something exciting in life. And then maybe you see them once in a while. Maybe they don't want to. But for that moment, they need to find out how they can have relationships and how they can be in a workplace where things are difficult. That anti-agility, you can be in uncertain situations and instability and actually figure out how to navigate it in a way that strengthens you in the long run. Then it's this and that. And then there's the official one that Pulse has talked a lot about.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's actually that. I would actually really recommend that you get a sense of who and who your children are. Because depending on where your children are on their soul journey, there are some different things they need. That's why you can't use psychological theory. It's a good tool, but it is.

  Sune Sloth: It's the basis for taking it apart. I mean, you can have a personality.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And personality is.

  Sune Sloth: Not. It can have some dimensions.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It has some dimensions, and it's there.

  Sune Sloth: Just, you know what it is, right?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But personality is basically the origin of the ego structure, which becomes the narrative of a unity, a summary that must be there so that you don't float all over the place, because it becomes too crazy. I have to be a different sense that the self that I am has some kind of solid form so that there is a narrative. The problem with personality at this point is that you become too fixated. Like I'm someone who doesn't like it. And I'm someone who can just as much is typically based on trauma or likes, dislikes or We've come to listen to everything, everything, everything too fixed and you can't be everything, everything too fluid because you think you have to take association.

  Sune Sloth: For example, one dimension is being open to new experiences, which can be anything from being completely closed to you to another dimension in your life. It's the attackers. How much do you approach situations, or do you just disagree and disagree? Basically. There's a scale for that as well.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, I know there is. I know you make mistakes and stuff like that, but some of it will also be tied up in energetic blockages and trauma. Yes, that's true.

  Sune Sloth: One of the things we can see is that some of these things continue even if you energetically move on with them. This is to say that it's about looking beyond these parameters. Whether you're someone who gets angry, or you're someone who isn't open to new experiences, and you're someone who knows that? So it's actually seeing what's behind it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: You can recognise it.

  Sune Sloth: Double for the search that lies in their soul in their field, which lies beyond the parameters that lie elsewhere and clutter. What are they looking for? What are they doing here? Of course, you can go higher in frequency and make a query. But take it with a grain of salt and you'll get one, because you can't. It doesn't work to tell them what to do.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: You need it so that you find a place where you stand when you go up. I think that's extremely useful. It's helped me so many times with my son to go up and get a sense of where I have a feeling that I actually have contact with his soul. What do you need right here? I understand, how do I best help you here based on who you are? And then I actually take the guide. I get in and say I just need you to, let me do this. I need you to know that I need freedom. Whatever comes down. When I do that, something always comes up, and then I'm kind of okay, so I choose to trust it, and if it hits something, when I take it in, it can hit something in me. It can cause fear that the outside world will criticise me for it or fear that I'm wrong, and then I can't do it well. But I take it, and then I do energy work afterwards and take. Where does this rub me the wrong way? I actually experience that. It's his future self. He's telling us what to call it. It shows a part of him that actually comes and says this, this is the cause or this. That's what I need. That's the most important thing for me right now, to have the opportunity to investigate what can come in.

  Sune Sloth: But you don't go in and say to the person you've made No, no, no.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: No, no, I know for myself that I can help him with that.

  Sune Sloth: A perspective on what I can do next. We often go in there and double-check.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I definitely do, because I don't tell him to say now. Now I've spoken to your boss, and he says that's what it's all about. Yes, it's huge. So it's something I...

  Sune Sloth: I take it as an input that can give a perspective on what's going on and what they should do. It may well be that it's not. It may well be the here and now. I'm investigating this and this and this in social contexts that are competitive, because I have to do something with that. I can't give you any more information, but it's something about that or I'm someone who has to research something with you. You know certain things about war because Michael is curious about why people do this to each other. And suddenly you see okay the fun he's having watching World War II now in fifth year where he sees some things about it. Okay, there might be something to it. Then you take it in as a co-input Exactly and go on from there in the base. So it's not going to be a terrorist, not something you put. No, no, no. And that's because you do that. It's just that.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: A tool to make you more clear in how you are towards your child, in your behaviour and in your approach. It's not because you talk this into them.

  Sune Sloth: Depending on how you change frequency. I'm going to go like this. Most people will probably have different methods. One of them can be meditation, where you focus on breathing sitting up. There can also be relaxation exercises. There can be many ways to access that information, and you know what's best for you. And you can actually get help.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: What I also do with people, it's actually been Let's just go up, and I'd like to go up and get a feel for how. When you have respect and when you have contact with someone, it feels like a wiser aspect of your child's field. What does that feel like? And if you just. And then I help hold the light.

  Sune Sloth: And get.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Straightened up when there is a connection. And the way you know you're on to something like. right and wrong word. It's that when you get from there, it will always. It will never be square commanding. It will always be a bit abstract. It will always let you go when you connect with higher aspects of yourself or of people you care about and connect with them. It always gives you a big burst in the heart chakra and you almost feel like crying. It's a beautiful thing. It's really beautiful, and it comes in such a fable-like way, so it can come in such general themes that are short. I've often had my son help me with that, and don't worry I'm going to be fine. So you know everything is fine. It gives me that. It's magical. It's pretty magical.

  Sune Sloth: It's pretty important to do this. It's quite important to be in a relatively passive calm state.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: So we clean up before.

  Sune Sloth: It has to be cleaned up and calm, because otherwise there's a problem. If you've thought about running an energy system, then voices come in and ideas and thoughts come in, which can be beliefs that are emotionally driven or things you get put in that are inherited and then some things you really need. So if you are. If your body is in fear of death or some child is going to die, then you get something in. Then you can get something completely skewed. Then we have to take the fear first. You have to. It is. You have to be pretty messed up to be able to do that. And even then, you have to have this respect. We do that when we have our clients, and we go up and contact while we have, we don't go in and impose that on them, that stuff. Sometimes we talk about, but it's an extra layer of information that interferes with the person's journey. I would be quite cautious about how much we put into it. Yes, that's it. That's where it is, where you go to chlorine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then they take some of that information and then they say you have to do this and you're supposed to do that. We never do that.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: We never impose any opinions on you and certainly not on your bar. But you should see it more as an opportunity to include that aspect and get that sense. How does it feel when I go up and switch? And the thing is, if you're overwhelmed, you can't really go up. You can't. You can't get up. Obviously, you've got to allow yourself to get close to the worry. You have to take care of that first. So that's always something that I go in and work with a client in those places where they're confused and scared and angry and all that. And then when they calm down and say fine, then we can just go up and go. Right now there's no mess. You know what I mean. And when I think of different situations with my child, it's calm and then try to go up and try and try and try and try to go up, and then you know, you reach out to your child. And then come. How it arises in you? I don't direct that. Something comes to you, whether it's an image or symbol or sensation. And that's really beautiful, because it's very individual. And then you can get like a How does it feel when I'm in contact? How does it feel when I get a sensation that feels pure and true? Then you start to have that tool as well.

  Sune Sloth: Towards raising the frequency of it is lying, pointing or what can you say? Are the fingers on the heart or the chest? The heart chakra and the right hand can be both, and then I ask the Higher Self to raise the frequency in my consciousness. And I can't guarantee that will work. If you have locks up or limitations put in, or if you're very emotionally energetic, or you have very clear thoughts of opposites on things that are going on in you, then you can do that, that you go in and focus on the breath and let those things just fade into the background, if you're lucky. But if there's complete calm, your soul will actually raise your frequency for the part of your consciousness that is conscious. That is, the one in the centre of consciousness. It's a trick to get up in frequency. From the place that comes there, you can do several things. You can go in and ask for contact with the other person's soul in a heartfelt way, saying I don't want to interfere in their path, I just want contact and an exchange. Who are you? What is your purpose? What do I need to relate to? That? That's one option. Another possibility is to make a switch in the energy system up to the eighth chakra, which sits above the head. That's it. Like that. 30 centimetres 20 It's a little bit I don't have. I can't say exactly, but when I feel it, then. I go up over my head to a place. There is also a chakra. Then I energetically connect that chakra with the other person's eighth level chakra and ask for a contact. That can also sometimes work. And then completes the contact. And get some information. But you have to see it as an information channel. So when you come down again, it's one of several pieces of information. With. As part of your understanding. But it can only do so much. To have an expanded understanding of a person's path.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It can do so much, because when you. The more you get someone who is independent of you and your imagination and dreams of what a family life is, is very inherited. To put it bluntly, right? I'm sorry to say it women. I have to shake us up a bit here to wake up in a dollhouse. Fantasy that we're playing dollhouse like that. And then we have to get it just right. Then you have to. You enjoy having people over and your family is great. Sometimes it's really forced and pretend because there's a dollhouse fantasy down there that it has to be lived out. You may have become a mum to children who have no intention of carrying on family life at all. You may be the mother of children who don't even want to have children of their own. You can be the mother of a child who is really here to devote himself to nature and animals and definitely wants something to do with people without any of that child. You just can't have a practice. You can't have a you. You can't have a mould of what it should be like to be a mother of children growing up. You have a you. If you have one in some form, it has to be like this, so you know, this is how we're going to spend Christmas, and in 10 years, this is how we're going to enjoy ourselves. It depends on who your kids are. They might have one of those. I'm not going to have Christmas and all that ridiculous tradition. You don't know that. So you actually have to realise that you don't have some kind of fantasy that you're shoving down the kids' throats.

  Sune Sloth: Yes, there may be a grandmother or grandmother who is actually somewhat transgressive, which they reject, and then you have to take a stand on that rather than pressurising them.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's going to shake the structure, but they actually have that in theirs. The children being born right now are huge. They are born with access to more consciousness than the rest of us did and generations behind them. Which means they feel discomfort in the field. So if there's somebody like that who mucks in because you know I want your space, I want your joy and I want you to hug me and I want you to be here for me and so many who don't bother to create or what we call create, then you'll start to. Because you're not. I have my freedom. I have my freedom too. So if there are family members who try and interfere in that way, you will probably see your children react. Because that's what children who are still being born do.

  Sune Sloth: And it will be somewhere. And that's also where we've been, where you have to make a very decisive choice about whether your children should be forced to deal with or be forced to be close by or to converse or to sit together. Aunt Gerda or Uncle Otto, who sits and is creepy, or who makes little ironic, sarcastic remarks, gets drunk and is a little mocking or towards women maybe even the children are just some examples. We know yes, or.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Who just don't want to talk to children because they are used to them being there for them. Cosy chatter, sound and they have to be there, but they don't give a damn about the children anyway. I know there are many things in our family structure that are being scrutinised.

  Sune Sloth: Just myself here in relation to my own son. In many ways I have a nice family, a lovely family, but they say hello to him, talk, converse with him. There's nobody his age and they pretend to be interested and then they don't care about him. He just walks around and you can say, can you expect them to be interested in him and his life? He is an equal being on a par with everyone else. But I would say I don't judge them for that. But when he finds it boring, as he says, it's because he has no one to connect with, because they're not interested in you and they don't want to talk to him. It's superficial talk that's over quickly, and then he's forgotten.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: They've had small children themselves, and they're over that.

  Sune Sloth: But there's no interest in connecting with him. And then you can tell it like it is.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But then it's better to say it out loud and not force it together.

  Sune Sloth: So when he comes and says it's boring, and I can see how he has nowhere to go by himself, he comes to me. Then I stand there and he's all over me because there's so little interest in connecting with him. It's not because the individual person can't do it. I mean, my parents for example. They can connect deeply with him and sit and look at old family photos of my dad going out into the garden with him and making crafts. Or my mum can sit and talk to him about anything, watch films. But in this situation, they can't connect with him and they get close to each other. Then he goes to me, and then I really have to choose here. Should I even take him to these events as a courtesy? Or should I give him a computer and let him sit and play something?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Not to shout it out about the social contexts.

  Sune Sloth: So that I can have at all. So that it's not just about him coming over to me because he's really lonely. So it's an example of letting him go, or we go home earlier, or I give him a computer where he can play a little. Or in other cases where it's okay for me to talk to so-and-so in the family, because it's uncomfortable that they keep doing something. That's not the case here.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But yes, I've experienced it. My own family. I've experienced that too. It's very, very strict. In my family, people take an interest in each other and it's just very, very, very superficial. There's a lack of capacity on both my mum's family line and my mum's life and my dad's family line and my dad's life to relate to anything emotionally. So there's actually a lot of emotional immaturity in my family structure, and that makes it become one. It becomes a dishonest harmony that happens where you pretend that you're fine when you're together, and everything is a mess underneath. No one has the capacity to hold on, and my experience is that the few times I've tried and tried to get to the bottom of it. It doesn't work. People talk in corners and it's uncomfortable to get things out on the table, which took me many years to realise and dare to do because it was so uncomfortable. When you've grown up in it, you're used to pleasing like that. Either you suddenly become a rebel and leave. And you know, or you become extremely aware of other people's parents' needs. That was the way I became extremely attentive to their needs.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And in doing so, I also had to leave my own. It took many years to get through it. And then I started to walk the boat more and more in relation to what I have. There's something here that smells fishy, and I didn't want to talk about these things. Then there was an ultimatum that I should just pack it in, and then I should just come to the parties, and then I should be polite, and then I should just sit there and say my arse, I have to say. It's simple, and there's nothing that all those people and assholes didn't personally mean it. But when you put people together in a group and there are a lot of people who don't want to be there because it's such a dishonest harmony, then we're here, then we eat, then we drink, then we leave. But we have nothing to do with each other. Except for the few times a year, really, because it's just a mould you step into. And I've made sure that I'm also invited down to your place, and then we make sure there's something in the diary.

  Sune Sloth: You are required, rather than coming sometimes and coming always. And by the way, we were about to have a wedding earlier.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: That there was some food I had to do.

  Sune Sloth: Choosing whether to invite.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: That's where we were going. It was something about you have to invite, and it was very rigid, and I was like. That's not going to happen. I'm not going to push, and I'm not going to deliver my child to whatever it is.

  Sune Sloth: There with the child. Because what is it that the child will be standing in? Because the child is going to be in the same situation and will be required to do the same thing at some point. You have to come to everything, otherwise you stay. Otherwise you won't be communicated, you'll be rejected.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And then you don't get it. You don't get a gift, and you don't get anything, and you're going to inherit something. And that's what it is, that's what it is.

  Sune Sloth: We have some children here that we have to decide on. So if your son sees if I want to be involved.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: That's it. I understand that, and I've made that clear. And then it breaks.

  Sune Sloth: You break it all. Because it's not just about you. It's about you delivering your son and my son, and it was just so. She demanded that they be delivered for her entertainment. But she's not interested in her talking to them, and we're there for her.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: They are there because.

  Sune Sloth: They're not like a kind of backdrop.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: In a backdrop, and then she feels it's cool that they're there. And then she feels that someone is coming to her festivities.

  Sune Sloth: And that's the point. Where the line was really drawn was in relation to the next generation. And it's one thing to force yourself to do it. But will you force your children to do this? How far will you go here to keep the etiquette? So that someone doesn't get angry, and so that the family structure doesn't get messed up. That's the choice you have to make. Next step.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And the reason we say this is.

  Sune Sloth: Necessary child to see the other parent if they are doing terribly. Even if the government says they have to, because otherwise you're doing something wrong. How much do you want to push the child into the relationship with parents who are breaking them down or someone in the family? And obviously, if you can see that there's sexual abuse or violence or whatever. Yes, then we know that you have to do it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But it has to be very bad for it to be like that.

  Sune Sloth: And even then, some people will try to cover up the fact that it probably wasn't that bad.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Exactly. So there's dak dak and other evidence in this. We say that family is so wonderful, and that's where we have the close relationships, and that's where most trauma is committed, most violence and abuse. It's just to know that in this day and age, all families have a degree of dysfunctionality because we haven't progressed as a species. It's not personal, it's just built into the family structure. So you'll see the reason why we bring this up. It's so personal stories from both sides, but that's why we're sharing it, because everyone will be in some kind of species somewhere on the frequency band in this, so it will make more or less noise.

  Sune Sloth: How much does the child have to be accommodated with their reactions compared to what you understand? If you start working energy to get to a place where you have a deep calm and can see them for who they are and see what their impulses are, what they're exploring and you can see they're being transcended. They're being pushed. It becomes what's beautiful in them. Their enthusiasm is being done wrong or pushed down or has to be something else. When you can see that, how far will you go in terms of fitting into something? Because there you go beyond yours. You could say. Can you get over your heart? And push the next generation into it? It's easy enough if there's some abuse and some self. There can also be something about pushing someone into it. We know that, of course.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, definitely.

  Sune Sloth: But now we're talking about the majority, where it's more psychological. They stay sometime. They're not seen, or they're done wrong, or they're required to be present in something. And it's not just a question of it being boring. It's a question of them being pushed slowly and quietly over a number of years into a structure where something is expected of them that pushes them down in relation to where they come from.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, and they're not allowed to rebel against that structure. But there's nothing about it, what you're doing, it's that and that rage that I only realised later in my life. Just in relation to my own. The dynamics that are in my family dynamics that are there, that my parents have unconsciously played out and we have become part of, and that we can see are in the family line. And this is the rage that I've seen. I was deeply enraged that there were things I was expected to do, but I didn't feel that there was any interest in who I am as a person. It's something about there being room for me. It's more, if you know who I am, you'll know that the sentence that is destructive to my soul, it's destructive to me to be forced to sit with human fields that don't want to be there and that don't say things out loud for my field, take it in. That's simply why. If I've been to something like that, I lie still. I lay there for a week and was exhausted. It took me many years to figure out how to be in something, how I felt and how I was feeling.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: That's it. We pretend we're doing well together to nurture a structure, which is why so many things get swept under the carpet, and I feel it all. I know what it is that I can do. I can feel it. I can feel it uncomfortably. I cringe. And that's what I'm trying to communicate. I can understand why they didn't get it, because they're not there, so there's no jobs on it. But it just is. I had to figure out how. What do I do in this? And also that no, I'm not going to deliver what was actually there, because I was there when I became a mum. Because this has always been a problem in my family, and I've struggled with it and taken different steps. And I was there when I became a mum. But I don't want to. I don't know what their relationship will be with their grandchild, and I don't want to rob them of that. So it's ok for them to try to create a container where they have the opportunity to get to know him, and then they have to take it to whatever they can.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And it should also be said that as a child, he really enjoyed being with his grandma and grandpa. It was like. It was as if it was easier for them to be something for him when there is such immediacy. He sought it out for himself, like younger children do. In the moment, I experienced that coming. I experienced it myself moment that became prime time Latin where they had to line up and then it's like there's not really any more. I had become so very small because I was third in line and there was nothing there, but I could see that there was enough energy to be something for him, and the older he got, it was like one of the adults was lining up, but he was still expected to participate, and that was actually where he started, because they were nice enough. I don't actually bother and it comes off like it's boring. I could look at him. What am I going to do there? There's no one to talk to me, but there isn't. Nor that my siblings were seen, because there is no one who is. No container has been created where we get to know each other, know who we really are.

  Sune Sloth: Not a genuine interest? I can testify to that, and that's what it is. They can't remember who I am, what I do or what my role is in something.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But it's not just a lack of capacity, and that's the reason. Yes, and I think some people experience this with their families, they can be hugely confused by what's going on. You can say you've had children and then lack the capacity to understand your child. But you can also have children and just want a doll's house. And then you're actually not at all interested in understanding who your children are. Well, you can. That's the combination that exists.

  Sune Sloth: But it can. It can be basically the same thing. So it looks very different when you come from North Zealand for an academic family where everyone has higher education. The experience I had is that if you don't have a higher education and a good job or at least a job where you do something innovative or something like a doctor or an engineer at Novo Nordisk or a lawyer. Nobody has lots of doctors, so I could observe that when you had that education, it was like you were in the loop in terms of sharing and being recognised, and you saw each other interested in each other. Then I went in and got the education and did all this and suddenly realised that getting a master's degree was taken seriously. But then what was missing was that I had a good job, so finally I got a job that was quite good and enough and innovative. And then I realise that they're not actually interested in each other anyway. There's just a hierarchy where it looks like the people who have something they want, each other in a different way. But you're not a you, you, you, you, you. You're looked down upon, but there's no interest in you if you don't have all this with you. You realised it was awakening. It's actually a professional interest.

  Sune Sloth: So what was missing was the human interest in it. Which has nothing to do with it. So it comes back to my son. The human interest in what you can't contribute to an intellectual discussion about something. And that's a bit harsh, and it's not my immediate family. It's not that bad, but my whole extended family is like that. Behind all that is a lack of interest in connecting with each other and being something for each other. Caring for each other. And that's what I realised. But maybe it's a false construct that we have to be something for each other. Maybe it's not the right thing at all. I had been on the therapy hill. Maybe I should start thinking about the group you share, whether you want to be a part of it. Do you want to contribute? Do you want what that group offers? Then what? I don't really know, do I? Why do I need them? And when you've made that decision and realise that this is empty and worthless in the sense that you're drained by it, then it becomes kind of okay. Now I have to be a bit strategic about how often I come and what interest and show how nice I am. And when I'm drained, when do I leave without it being noticeable?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Well, you can also see it as not actually being affectionate for either party. It's not really loving. We sit and pretend we want each other. There doesn't have to be anything to them. I don't like it. But you can have someone who has all the respect for your path, and it doesn't feel that attraction that we have to exchange. It just feels more like those magnets that repel each other, so we're forced into a house, and then we have to try to get 5 hours to go and then you try to paddle or something. I find that this construction is breaking down, and this also applies whether you're a cousin or necessarily a sibling. You can easily have siblings that you have nothing in common with, and there doesn't have to be anything wrong, except that you're not going with them.

  Sune Sloth: I think that's why we say this. It's a bit of a cop-out, but don't worry about it. It's to say that if you're experiencing things in your family and you have to make some choices with your children about how much they should be involved and how much you want to force them, but how much the mother-in-law is allowed to dominate. Something has to be organised in a certain way. Then you have a choice. Because it's one thing to force yourself into it and not feel very good about it, or feel like you're wasting another weekend organising everything. Do you want to pass it on? Do you want to pass it on to the next generation? Because then they're in it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, exactly. They inherit the shit that you wouldn't be able to handle, even though you're standing.

  Sune Sloth: And says I understand. Then you put them in, you force them into a context where they have to take a stand on it. And you could see that it puts a strain on them. So we would be careful not to produce our own thing. And it may sound like I'm doing it that way, but that's not the case. I can see that it applies to everyone. This has been observed in all kinds of contexts and especially in relation to children. There is no interest in the world of children.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I actually experience quite the opposite, that I had a hard time being in my family, and it worked with us because I didn't. I didn't feel part of it and I couldn't communicate it because they didn't have the opportunity to understand it. So, if I listened to our last podcast, we talk about how evolution is about consciousness and it comes to focus on external success. And it's the external to be more relationship orientated, and I think I get it because I'm born in. I think I'm big, and it's not like I'm in a better place. There's nothing better about it. There's just some development that unfolds. I think I'm in a different place as my imprint on life and what's important is very different to theirs. So that's class.

  Sune Sloth: The extremes are not really there.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: It's two different radio channels, and it caused me a lot of pain. But I could see mine.

  Sune Sloth: Hunger and sharing with people who are not in the same place.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But painful, because all sorts of strange things come out of it, and it doesn't look like anything. What I experienced was that my son is a huge extrovert and loves people. So it was actually more and few I could see him. I don't want to take that away from him.

  Sune Sloth: He thrives on it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: He thrives on it, and that's why he should have the opportunity to connect with him, even though I couldn't. Even though I didn't succeed, for loose, I want to introduce myself.

  Sune Sloth: I kept showing up and being open without him realising that you had resistance. Then took.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I know my own resistance exactly.

  Sune Sloth: Again, until.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: He.

  Sune Sloth: Let it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Then he got so old that he was a bit like that. Now he started to be more interested in his friends and stuff like that. Then it was kind of okay. Now I don't have those problems anymore, and he doesn't want to be there alone.

  Sune Sloth: Well, it's not like sitting in a bad family or badmouthing. No, when you make your observations, it's really just to confirm that we're familiar with it. Yes, that's how it is. That that's how it works. But don't go in and fill them in. Yes, exactly. So I don't go in to Laurits and say that they don't see you either. I just say I can see it's a bit boring for you and stuff like that, but maybe you can be persuaded to stay for four hours. And there's also this sister and that sister and her. She gives him something, so there is something. But. So there's no need to put it in them. No, there isn't.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: No, it's you who's in charge.

  Sune Sloth: They should be allowed to explore what they want to do with the family. Unless situations arise that need to protect them because someone is walking on them in some sense is over or.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Narcissistic or otherwise. Sune Sloth: Yes.

  Sune Sloth: But that's something else. So for babies up children energy work. We covered a lot of ground in relation to this.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, but you can actually also see how energy work in relation to finding out what you do with children, with your children and the extended family? Because when you feel you're hitting an edge, you start to question whether you should do this. My child, when it's the child's needs. It's mine. What am I supposed to do? Do I do this? Do I feel pressurised? We can go in and help with that too. It goes into the confusion, and then you land in a place where you get an insight. And maybe that insight comes from somewhere. I don't actually have anything to do with my family. Or I actually have to say some things to my family about this, and it will cause a fuss. But it's the right thing to do, and then it's about trusting what you get in. Once we've landed.

  Sune Sloth: Then you can get some resistance to it. Then you can work with it until you're so clear that you know what to do. But there is still something. The masculine part actually has to act on it. And it's apropos that if you don't do something here, the children will inherit it down the line. Yes, that's how it is.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: So the energy work is acting. One thing is what insights and peace we can land in your system. We can do that. But in terms of acting on what you have left in your own life, the courage to act on it, energy work can't do that for you.

  Sune Sloth: And that's what we're pioneering in terms of changing social structures, situations. It will change how you approach things that have happened at school that are violent or unfair or uncomfortable for the child. What do you do here? How do you approach teachers when things happen? Yes, but also in relation to how do you approach the child in terms of setting boundaries?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And how when the child also sometimes has to take on the world in order to mature? We see that.

  Sune Sloth: It's also just to say that we often see that we let them fight more than we intervene and then come in and work to get them landed so they can stand in it. And over time, we find that they become more and more resilient in relation to that. So it's the anti-fragility that allows them to withstand more and more tumult. But there's always a limit to what you can handle. We know this ourselves if we go to work and are forced to deal with a manager who is unpleasant, while at the same time you have a colleague who is snooping and you have to sit in an open-plan office with everyone watching. There's always a limit. So it's not that you have to be able to handle everything, but sometimes you have to move away from the situation. So if you have your child in a class where there's something serious or there are problems, consider moving them. It's this question Should you be part of a group? There is too much of a tendency to be part of the group that is chosen for you or chosen at random. So be aware that you have a choice. Who do you want your children to be part of? A group that are friends, where it's worth saying them? Debate Frans Well, it's a good relationship and affirming in that without slandering either the parents or the child. It doesn't sound like it's nice to be in.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: But it doesn't sound like the child needs help to deal with it. It can be a hassle.

  Sune Sloth: So this thing about choosing who do I want to deal with? There are some schools that force relationships, so you can't say no to them coming to play. And if there's a child with a bigger bust who uses it to obstruct, play to dominate, play or you can't say no. And that means that being excluded as an option is also something that has to happen. That is, if you were following one of the group's rules or continued to be harassing or annoying. That also needs to be taken care of so they can live a life where they're not annoying to others.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Some people have come down and are not particularly aware of boundaries. So if we just say that there shouldn't be any boundaries, then someone will get hurt. Just no. So some people actually need a boundary where they can feel it. Others have a boundary here. So it's not that being excluded is always bad. It can be. But sometimes it's actually about. We don't judge the child. But now we can see that we actually have to communicate with the child. The reason they don't want more is actually because socially you have to when you poked him in the eye. And that's what we actually have to do. Yes, and then this one, this one, this one, this one.

  Sune Sloth: Is that part of it about making children resilient and robust in a world that energetically is not geared for high frequency. It's not geared for the calm and clarity that your child needs to become better at standing and seeing a whole bunch of things that can't be communicated other than on a primitive emotional track with some teacher who has partial expression of it. And that means that when you get there, you can say Well, if they can stand in this environment and set boundaries and stick to their own field, they will be able to withstand an incredible amount. So. But, but, but, the prerequisite for that is also the work that's going on.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, that they themselves also realise where they themselves are immature and transgressive? Because they also need to have that counterplay.

  Sune Sloth: And that's exactly what we're trying to find. I mean. Aren't we going to say it, it was an exciting, funny example One of the children who gets stuck on something that is a lie and everyone has heard it where it suddenly started to become a habit inherited from a person in the environment that makes life relevant by lying about what happened. Even though it was obvious, we stood like that. Then we talk about what happens if the group as a whole, without blame, just stuck to what had happened that everyone had observed and kept sticking to it? And at some point it could. Then it broke down and closed, and then the child woke up and said God, yes, that's probably not what happened, but right there you have the seeds of narcissism. Where you hold on to the idea that it wasn't what happened, even though it was. And you're one-on-one with another person and you keep doing that, and eventually they feel insane and they doubt themselves and you start to see the wrong people inside. That's where you hold the key to making a child narcissistic. Not only what happened, what happened was they were also wrong because they think they're vulnerable, they're too sensitive, they should something. And that's interesting. So there's something about reality. There's something about what happened. And there is something about. The group could also construct, just as they did in Nazi Germany. That some of the bat. If you're Jewish, for example. And everyone says it to the child, so you can also make a group gaslighting that makes them hate someone. So you have to do that with very, very great clarity of thought without making them wrong and letting them stick to their own choice. But that one where the group goes in, that's important. It's a very important detail.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: What we see there on a large scale in the US. Yet there is a group that can tell you now you're lying to a certain person who wants to be president again, and it's not true. It's still a lie.

  Sune Sloth: And they're sticking to it. And no, you're not it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Best president that has ever been there.

  Sune Sloth: And all these countries that got together and made a statement that even though Russia's Putin says that we're going into Ukraine, and that's fair, because they've done something, which they apparently haven't done, a large group of countries go in and say no, it's not okay. They stick to their guns. Yes, exactly what started the Second World War was that Hitler went into Poland and claimed these attacks would be a lie and then people, then the neighbouring countries. So yeah, we should probably be mixed. So if we walk a bit with him and have a nice chat with him and then we're fine. And then he moves on. That's the boundary crossing and the truth not being addressed. For those who don't have the courage. And when you're faced with someone with narcissistic traits and psychopathic traits who is trying to cheat you, you're on your own one on one. But when the group steps in and sets the boundaries, something happens.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: This is the way we make sure that narcissism is not passed on by simply going over the mountains. Narcissism is simply evolution making sure that what goes out of it is not even in the genes. It's the social interaction. So it's just a challenge to you, every time you don't stand up to a lie both in yourself and in others, you're actually co-creating the conditions for narcissism and narcissistic defences to flourish.

  Sune Sloth: What's so interesting is how we know people in our environment who have these traits, who go in and involve a whole bunch of people in their environment who don't really take a stand.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: I haven't seen that, it sounds like.

  Sune Sloth: But they take it in anyway. There might be something about it, I don't know, you know. And then a kind of weaving begins to form. There can be antipathy, but it can also be something like that. We don't get into it because they have a conflict. But the people who will stand by you behind your back when you're not there and who know you and who know you. There are very few of them. There should be more of you. There should be more of us who say hey, that bullying at work, they don't want to be part of it. Hey, that sounds like a lie. I don't know her like that. He wouldn't do that. I've known him for 10 years. He's not really like that. It doesn't hold up. All these wimpy people who sit and belong and listen a bit and are inclusive. You contribute to a person with narcissism or psychopathy carrying out their offences. I'm not blaming. I'm just saying it.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: No, I can look back in my life where.

  Sune Sloth: I find it easy to shut a person down Personally, I would say that's not what I experience, it's not buying it. You may think it's there, but that's not how I see it. Then they stop.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Or yes, I think I've talked to the person about that. It sounds very harsh, but.

  Sune Sloth: Listen, what is it really? Could that be how it happened? I can see that I've had a difficult divorce, or I've had a conflict. But having your integrity there, you're probably thinking. That car, the cheap one, it's the most cost-free not to interfere.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And then there's the outside. Delicious with gossip. Listen, listen, listen to it. Yes, but.

  Sune Sloth: If you feel like that, yes, but you're not really and you listen and phew and then try there too. You reckon, you reckon over time, this will run its course. Because that person is you. He or she is recruiting you to dislike you or another person who needs to be socially isolated and made into a pariah, doing the wrong thing and sticking some story on you. Unless it is actually true. Let's say that abuse was committed in secret. Then be critical. Either way. Be critical, either way on. Use your own eyes. Senses. Feel it. Is this really true? If you're carrying these stories and you're not observing and collecting yourself or know a person really well, take note. This is where we help each other to stand up to those who are abusive.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Yes, it's actually a different place if someone comes and tells you about some horrible things with someone you have a peripheral knowledge of, and you have something like that. I can actually see that it's a possibility that it's been like that for some people. And then you also get to dismiss that it happens when you don't. Can't you see that when you realise that you've been violated, there will be a few people where it'll come out like this and you'll naturally run over it until you deal with it? Well, it can also go the other way, that you. It probably wasn't that bad, and that's enough. It's probably just that it will pass again. It'll probably land.

  Sune Sloth: This happens so often. You have lots of clients who have relationships with this. It's that they realise that the people around them don't really take what they say seriously. It can happen again and again and again. It's an offence not to take it seriously. I can understand if you haven't been there. Then you know. That you're a little reserved. But it's psychological violence. It's transgressions and offences. And what happens is that the severity of it gets worse for that person because it's not met in the reality they have. So if a person has been well worn down, that is, had a different reality pulled over their head all the time, even though they have experienced being violated or being manipulated, cheated out of things, slandered, mocked and hidden behind closed doors, it's pretty much always with these kinds of people. They hide it and charm on the outside. If you are. You can't be neutral. You actually have to go on Tøffe and see this person's reaction and reality. Or is it a victimisation of oneself?

  Mette Miriam Sloth: And if I say just a little bit against it, do they get mad at me? Yes, there is. There's a mum's encouragement.

  Sune Sloth: In this with this. Thank you for this time and listen in.

  Mette Miriam Sloth: Hi.