How My Son Awakened Me
From Numbness to Emotional Healing
The shift I experienced when I became a mother was that I went from a place where I couldn't feel my feelings at all. I reacted automatically, and my attachments were completely messed up. I had difficulty connecting emotionally, and I was really challenged. But I thought, if I could chew my way through this and get control of my thoughts and feelings, then others could too. I started training myself not to freak out when I was pressured. I sat down, felt the state in me, let it move, and when I landed again, I could return and repair the relationship with my child. In this way, I covered a lot of bases, and even though it was super hard, I could keep up, even when I was pressured.
My Son as a Catalyst for Change
My son really woke me up on many levels, and I sweated my way through it. It was violent, but I found that when I could do it – as a perfectly ordinary, wounded and traumatized person – then others could too. However, it was extremely frustrating to see how difficult it was for others to hold on to that process. They understood what I said, and they could feel the changes, but they found it difficult to hold on when they returned to their everyday life.
Holding My Own Energy Field
Where I ended up after 8 years of work was a place where I could feel that I could hold my energy field for myself, even when I was triggered. I could feel like "tearing my son's head off", but at the same time have love for him. I could stand in both states without falling completely into the dark. I could set a limit, perhaps even with a little humor, and then pull myself out of the old nervous system coding, where you just adjust.
The Harmonizing Power of My Energy Field
Later, I found that the way my energy field works is that it begins to harmonize automatically when it comes into contact with places in the nervous system where traumas or wounds are stuck. It was a natural movement that was already available to me, but which I did not know I had. If I had not had that availability, I would probably have been stranded in some of the deep wounds I carried.
Deeper Exploration of Trauma
The energy field meant that I could go deeper into my traumas, not only from this life, but also generations of traumas, epigenetic wounds, and what we might call previous lives. These are violent experiences to carry in the nervous system, and it requires someone who can work with you at that depth, if you are a person who goes so deep. You must find someone who can support you in the process so that you do not get stuck in the trauma.
The Transformative Power of Energy Work
That was also what made the difference for me. The energy work made it possible to release more in my system and bring balance. So, when we started using energy work as a concrete tool, I could feel how quickly we could work our way through the difficult places with the children. It was about understanding how we get triggered as parents, and finding ways to stand strong in the difficult situations.
For more information listen to podcast E33.
