Communication and Feelings in the Relationship

Communication is the glue that holds a relationship together. Without open and honest communication, even the strongest love can fade. It is not only about expressing your thoughts and feelings, but also about listening with empathy, compassion, and respect to your partner's perspective. This is easier said than done and requires working on your own maturity, as well as your own ability to set boundaries.

A Safe Space

Creating a safe space where both parties feel comfortable sharing both joys and sorrows is crucial. It means putting aside judgments and criticism and instead focusing on understanding each other's world of experience. Instead of focusing on 'winning' discussions or proving that you are right, it is important to strive to find common understanding in diversity. It is about moving away from a 'me versus you' mentality and instead creating a 'we' experience where you work together as a team in diversity.

Good Advice

• Be Present: When your partner is talking, put your phone away, turn off the TV, and give them your full attention. Show that you are interested in what they have to say by being present. Close the computer and put the papers away. Give your partner full attention. Better to talk briefly together focused than to pretend you are present while you "zone out." If you do not have time or are busy with something, set aside time for communication and follow up! Do not let your partner drift if they need to talk to you.

• Listen Actively: If necessary, repeat what you have understood and heard to ensure that you are on the same page. Ask clarifying questions, and show that you are trying to understand their world and perspective. You can repeat what you have heard without agreeing or seeing things the same way.

• Speak from the Heart: Express your feelings openly and honestly, without blaming or attacking your partner. Use "I" statements that focus on your own experiences, feelings, and needs.

• Be Respectful: Even when you disagree, speak to each other with respect and dignity. Avoid calling each other names or using condescending language. If it does happen, go to your partner and give a sincere apology. Then work with what came up through, for example, therapy or energy work.

• Find the Right Timing: Choose a time to talk about important topics where you both have time to listen to each other. Avoid starting a discussion or conversation when you are stressed or tired. If it happens often, then it is time to schedule regular meetings where you get to talk. It may sound "project manager"-like - but it is crucial.

• Be Patient: Improving communication takes time and practice. Be patient with each other and do not give up, even if it can sometimes feel very challenging. Work alongside what came up when you had clashes.

• Put Words to Feelings and Needs: We recommend that you become good at putting words to what you feel and identify your needs. An excellent guide to this is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, which we highly recommend. In this context, it should be mentioned that we cannot demand that another person meet our needs. The key is to receive what the other gives as a gift, which in practice means that you allow yourself to both feel and express gratitude.

By consciously working with communication, you can strengthen your connection and create a more loving and harmonious relationship. It is a basic prerequisite for Stage 2 and is required to be able to move on to Stage 3.

Source: Conversations with my imaginary daughter, by Mette Miriam Sloth. For a deep dive: Listen to podcast episodes 11 and 12.