Challenges Between the Stages of Relationships
Stage 2 in a relationship is a phase where the couple moves away from the external polarity that characterizes stage 1 (the bimbo/macho dynamic) and instead strives for equality. However, this striving can lead to a number of challenges. In the following, we review a number of classic problems we often see.
Dilution of Masculine Energy
In an attempt to create an equal relationship 50/50 and enter the domestic sphere, the man may adapt to the woman's needs and desires to such an extent that his masculine pole becomes diluted.
This can lead to:
Loss of Polarity: When the man loses his masculine edge and becomes too "soft," the tension and attraction that arises between the masculine and feminine disappears.
Reduced Sexual Attraction: The woman may lose her desire for a man who no longer represents a clear masculine energy, boundary setting, and firmness in attitudes and responsibilities.
Frustration for Both Parties: Both the man and the woman can end up feeling dissatisfied in the relationship. The man may feel disempowered, and the woman may feel unattracted and lose her desire. Often he misses her having more desire for him and does not understand why she withdraws.
Misunderstood Equality
The problem in stage 2 often stems from a misunderstanding of equality. Instead of embracing diversity and letting masculine and feminine energy complement each other, the couple may strive to become too similar. This can lead to the man trying to imitate the woman's way of being emotionally, which paradoxically has the opposite effect of the intended and makes her withdraw sexually, become frustrated, which can end in contempt.
The Woman as "Teacher"
In stage 2, the woman may unconsciously assume the role of "teacher" for the man and try to teach him to communicate his feelings and needs in the same way as her. This can create an imbalance in the relationship where the man feels criticized and tries to "do what she says," and the woman feels drained of energy.
Despite the challenges, stage 2 is a necessary phase in the development of the relationship. Through stage 2, both the man and the woman can learn to:
Understand the True Meaning of Equality: That equality is not about becoming the same, but about respecting and appreciating each other's differences.
Integrate Both the Masculine and Feminine: Both the man and the woman need to integrate both masculine and feminine qualities in themselves to achieve a balance.
Communicate Openly and Honestly: To learn to communicate their needs and boundaries in a respectful way that takes the other's perspective into account.
Taking Over the Masculine Role
In stage 2, the woman may unconsciously take on a more masculine role in the relationship. In her pursuit of equality and in frustration at the man's inability to meet her needs, she may end up taking responsibility for structure, planning, and problem-solving, where he becomes a kind of "employee" who ranks lowest in the hierarchy when it comes to prioritizing time.
This can create an imbalance in the relationship where the woman feels overburdened and the man feels disempowered and experiences that she is often irritated and picks on him.
Examples show women who end up managing both family life and finances, while the man withdraws and becomes more passive and just takes care of his work.
Dissatisfaction with the Man's Adaptability
The woman may experience a paradoxical reaction to the man's attempt to adapt to her needs. Although she may have criticized the man's lack of emotional availability in stage 1, she may lose attraction in stage 2 due to his adaptability.
This is because the woman unconsciously still longs for the masculine energy that represents strength, determination, and the ability to set boundaries.
When the man loses these qualities in an attempt to please her, she may feel less secure and attracted to him.
Difficulty Letting Go of Control
The woman may have difficulty letting go of control and giving the man space to find his own way in stage 2. Her desire to have influence on the relationship dynamic and the man's development can prevent him from rediscovering his masculine energy.
This can create a vicious circle where the man feels criticized and constantly tries to adapt, while the woman feels frustrated by his lack of initiative and firmness.
It cannot be emphasized enough how important it is that the woman learns to trust the man and gives him the freedom to develop at his own pace and find his own way.
Trigger Points and Old Wounds
The man's behavior in stage 2, if he stands by himself, can trigger the woman's own unprocessed wounds and traumas from previous relationships. If, for example, she has experienced being betrayed or controlled by a man, she may have a tendency to overreact to the man's attempts to set boundaries.
This can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings that prevent the couple from communicating openly and honestly with each other.
It is crucial that both the man and the woman work on their own personal challenges to create a relationship that is ready for stage 3.
Moving on to Stage 3
To move on to stage 3, where the relationship can flourish in a deeper form, it is crucial that:
The man rediscovers his masculine energy: That he dares to stand in his power and set healthy boundaries, without fear of losing the woman's love.
The woman lets go of control and gives space: That she finds confidence in the man's ability to take responsibility, and that she dares to surrender to the masculine pole he represents.
The couple finds a balance between polarity and intimacy: That they manage to create a relationship where there is room for both passion, deep connection, and equal distribution of responsibility. Recommended listening: Podcast episodes 11 and 12.
