Questions and Answers About Conscious Partner Choice

Question: "But I have never met a person who could meet me there, the way you talk about. I will never get there because I have never met anyone like that before."

Answer: If you work with increased openness and your own maturation process, your ability to discern who is relevant will change significantly over time, so you become much better at seeing who is ready to take the journey. From here, it is a matter of putting yourself out there: either be inviting to the right ones or be seeking (depending on your primary polarity). It takes courage to put yourself out there: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." (unknown source).

Question: "My current partner is not ready and never will be. We have had so many conversations, but nothing ever happens."

Answer: Work on opening up yourself and see what happens. Sometimes an opening occurs in the other party, and we have seen this a number of times. Other times it does not happen. There is no way we can know where it will lead. It takes courage because you know that the more you work with your inner self, the closer to the "deadline" you also get. Wait for the process within yourself and be prepared that your own development may mean that you end up "growing apart." In some cases, however, the opposite also happens.

Question: "But he will never be ready, and it is me who is spiritually interested and goes to therapy, and I have done everything possible, and he does nothing and just talks. He says all the right things, but nothing happens."

Answer: We have often met women in particular who are in this situation, and yes, it may well be that he will never be ready and says "all the right things," but does not really have the courage or the drive. It may also be that it just shouldn't be you, or that he has not found the right method. Just because he doesn't say the right thing doesn't necessarily mean he's not ready. It just requires that he sincerely desires a deeper connection with you; we will guide him through the rest. Remember that your opening journey from the poles is very different. Judge him on his results and progression.

Question: "But there are no men who are right there! Where are they all?"

Answer: Yes, there are actually men out there who are ready. We have met some of them. And no, there are not that many yet. Each man has his own unique journey, and it does not resemble yours. It is therefore on the dedication and willingness to act that you should know the potential. Work on yourself, stand out there and be ready and inviting, and prepare to go through a "princess process" of "not good enough" and misses - we all have to go through a number of relationships to get enough experience to go to stage 3. Hiding with the assumption that there will never be anyone out there is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will certainly miss 100% of the shots you never take. Work on your own wounds and your own maturity so that you can distinguish and avoid "falling into the trap" once again. And then find the courage to put yourself out there again when you are ready.

Question: "But no matter what I do, she keeps getting angry at me, upset, scolds me, picks on me, and closes her heart to me. She also closes herself in bed, and I no longer want her when she is closed, and I can feel that she is doing it for my sake, or it hurts inside her. What should I do?"

Answer: When we have helped men a good way towards stage 3, they begin to see how she continues to close herself off, pick on him, and criticize him - regardless of whether he takes responsibility for all the practical things and his own inner self as well as possible, she is still dissatisfied and closed. It can now become clear that she is not "walking the path" and does not want to take relational responsibility or perhaps does not take responsibility for ending the relationship. Her disappointment may have accumulated over many years, and for some women, it can be very difficult to return to openness. Never pressure her here - stay calm and assess the situation soberly - stand in your own field. It may be that you met under completely different circumstances and that you should not go the way together in the way we describe here - it is a possibility. In that case, work on a gentle break, which can sometimes also be a boundary-setting break if there are children in the relationship. Unfortunately, we have repeatedly seen that she reinforces herself and begins to see him as an "abuser" or narcissist. This can of course be correct in some cases, but in other cases, it is a defense reaction from women when they feel pressured in the relationship and can unfortunately also be seen as a form of psychological abuse in those cases. In such cases: Leave the relationship in a dignified and respectful manner.

Question: "He says all the right things but does nothing."

Answer: Unfortunately, we have seen this far too often. There are many men who know the therapeutic language and not least the jargon in the alternative/spiritual world. Some of them go to therapy, others to men's groups, others practice tantra or are in open relationships or polyamory. Some will be very good in bed and have achieved the ability to open you up sexually. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, but unfortunately, it can also be a trap. That he knows the language and techniques to open you up sexually and can talk about feelings is a risk, because the challenge here is that men are good at talking about opening up without knowing what they are talking about, or that they hold back from opening up deeply as they do not want commitment. You cannot judge whether a man is ready to "walk the path" based on what he says, or whether he is within the alternative world, and you have common interests and go to the same ecstatic dance parties or the same shaman ceremonies. That he can talk about feelings, and you are on the same wavelength in terms of interests, or you both consider yourselves "spiritual," has nothing to do with taking the path together.

Instead of focusing on common interests and all the external characteristics, including deep long conversations where he seems open, and he is wonderful in bed, and you open up, and it is fantastic (and you have never been met like that before), then look at what happens outside of bed and whether he can handle opening up to what hurts in himself and taking responsibility: See if he does it because it hurts you (and himself) when he withdraws and closes himself off, becomes hard, square, and "talks spiritually." Here it is not enough that he talks about it, he must also walk the path. His dedication to opening up deeper must be based on him doing something - and doing something that works and actually moves. And if it doesn't work, then he tries something else. He must be as dedicated to opening up as he is to you.

Question: "Why doesn't he/she open up?"

Answer: We see people again and again who have tried to get their partner to "open up" without success. It doesn't work in practice, so don't. For the partner, it seems like pressure and something they have to live up to. Something the partner knows you expect, and which the partner senses that if the partner does not deliver something here on the "self-help account," then the relationship will end soon. The way forward here is to open up yourself, stand more clearly in your own energy field and work with what is yours and not yours, and from here stand before your partner to see what happens then. Show the way through your own inner work and see what happens.