Understanding Narcissistic Defenses
Narcissistic defenses are a way of self-protection when feeling threatened or criticized. They involve denying what happened, often through childlike rejection, and shifting blame onto others when feeling attacked or criticized, regardless of whether the criticism is warranted.
While everyone employs narcissistic defenses occasionally, it doesn't equate to being a full-blown narcissist. The key difference is that someone caught in these defenses can eventually admit fault, learn from conflicts, and mature. Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) typically do not.
Responsibility and Projection
Individuals with narcissistic tendencies struggle to process inner discomfort.[1] Instead of reflecting, they project these feelings onto others, clinging rigidly to their perspective. They avoid taking responsibility for their actions and emotions, perpetually blaming others, regardless of facts or circumstances. Their sense of entitlement is unwavering, making rejection—even perceived rejection—intolerable. They may alter their narrative over time, not necessarily through conscious lying, but through confabulation—genuinely believing their distorted memories.
Biological Factors
Narcissism has a biological basis; it isn't solely a product of childhood trauma. Meeting them with empathy and understanding rarely leads to lasting self-awareness or change. This often draws in empathetic individuals who prioritize self-reflection.
Attempting to persuade a true narcissist to take responsibility and grow is often futile. NPD arises from a complex interplay of genetics and environment, including neurological factors impacting empathy and memory. Empathetic dialogue alone can’t overcome these neurological limitations.
Examples of Narcissistic Defenses:
Denial: Refusing to acknowledge a situation or problem, even when obvious to others.
Gaslighting: Manipulating others into doubting their memory and perception of reality.
Projection: Attributing their own negative feelings and traits to others.
Rage: Reacting aggressively to criticism or not getting their way.
Silent Treatment: Ignoring and isolating others as punishment.
Resources: Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Professor Dr. Sam Vaknin and Dr. Lundy Bancroft.
